14 February 2006

V-day and Ibs
College Remembered

It’s Valentine’s Day once again and just like all the valentine’s I’ve spent before, I am going to spend it alone. I don’t know what the fuzz and buzz about this day is but it sure makes a lonely heart grow lonelier. Don’t you agree? I remember the Valentine’s Day I spent in Mount Banahaw when I was graduating college. I was with Ibs then, my so-called live-in partner. The Banahaw trip was actually not for V-day but it was for a class. We spent a night camping in the mountains with candles and canned foods and stuff. Though it was not really what people would call a perfect date but it was the only V-day of my entire life that I am with someone I actually like – Ibs.

I miss her though. I am sad it never turned out to be perfect, our relationship. And much of the blame is on me. I fell out of love the day she confessed her love for me. I was thinking we’re better off as friends. But she wanted more than that and all I could offer her was mere friendship. I must admit though, the first time I laid eyes on her I told myself I have to know this girl. She was just so beautiful, complicated and almost perfect. She looked in every way like a girl. Her voice gave it away but still I loved her the moment I met her in class. She was an education student taking an extra class in journalism. During breaks I would always ask her if she wanted to smoke and we’ll go out and talk about guys and stuff about life. I remember her telling me she goes for the mature kind of guy. Ouch! I thought, but I still continued seeing her, admiring her beauty. The next thing I know I was living in her apartment, sleeping on her bed.

The day she told me how she truly felt about me I was convinced we’d be better off as friends. I know she was hurt because I was not able to give back what she was giving me. She always made sure I had breakfast, lunch and dinner on the table. Even when she’s not around she always made sure I was okay. She took care of me. I never felt so much loved by other people in my whole life.

Days before graduation I moved out of her apartment. She gave me a letter asking me to choose – to stay or to go. I had to go. I could not hurt her much longer. And until now I haven’t seen her. The last thing I heard she is in Davao taking up law in Ateneo. One thing’s for sure though, I miss her and I wonder if I’ll ever see her again, my friend, my lover.


It’s Valentine’s Day once again and just like all the valentine’s I’ve spent before, I am going to spend it alone. I don’t know what the fuzz and buzz about this day is but it sure makes a lonely heart grow lonelier. Don’t you agree? I remember the Valentine’s Day I spent in Mount Banahaw when I was graduating college. I was with Ibs then, my so-called live-in partner. The Banahaw trip was actually not for V-day but it was for a class. We spent a night camping in the mountains with candles and canned foods and stuff. Though it was not really what people would call a perfect date but it was the only V-day of my entire life that I am with someone I actually like – Ibs.

I miss her though. I am sad it never turned out to be perfect, our relationship. And much of the blame is on me. I fell out of love the day she confessed her love for me. I was thinking we’re better off as friends. But she wanted more than that and all I could offer her was mere friendship. I must admit though, the first time I laid eyes on her I told myself I have to know this girl. She was just so beautiful, complicated and almost perfect. She looked in every way like a girl. Her voice gave it away but still I loved her the moment I met her in class. She was an education student taking an extra class in journalism. During breaks I would always ask her if she wanted to smoke and we’ll go out and talk about guys and stuff about life. I remember her telling me she goes for the mature kind of guy. Ouch! I thought, but I still continued seeing her, admiring her beauty. The next thing I know I was living in her apartment, sleeping on her bed.

The day she told me how she truly felt about me I was convinced we’d be better off as friends. I know she was hurt because I was not able to give back what she was giving me. She always made sure I had breakfast, lunch and dinner on the table. Even when she’s not around she always made sure I was okay. She took care of me. I never felt so much loved by other people in my whole life.

Days before graduation I moved out of her apartment. She gave me a letter asking me to choose – to stay or to go. I had to go. I could not hurt her much longer. And until now I haven’t seen her. The last thing I heard she is in Davao taking up law in Ateneo. One thing’s for sure though, I miss her and I wonder if I’ll ever see her again, my friend, my lover.

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2010 - Wow! I can't believe this blog is already 4 years old! I would like to thank everyone has been so nice to me and my blog. I am really happy that there are people out there who can relate to my life.

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I am a frustrated artist who finds refuge in bitterness and solitude. Angst is what I speak and love is what I hide. I never want to be seen naked for in nakedness there is truth and truth I am afraid of. Reality never seems to be fair, life in fact is iniquitous.


I like to put up a facade like a masked man in a party. I like to exude and air of mystery and fear. For in fear I earn respect and respect I treasure.

I like to play God once in a while, controlling the people who surround me. I love to twist emotions and bring out the insides.

I have found love but it left me suddenly for reasons until now I do not understand. He pierced right through everything that is me and left a broken arrow in my heart. But I let that happen because I loved him so sincerely. If there was a time I really loved someone, it would be that time. He rocked my world; sadly, he rocked me to my death.

 


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