Lovelife... Not...

I miss him. I miss our grill-hopping eating nothing but pork sisig. I fell for him and I was a coward not to tell him I love him. I was so afraid to get hurt that I ended hurting both of us. I was so stupid to let go of the only thing which made perfect sense in my so-called-love-life.

*Sigh...



In Puerto Galera drinking the night away...
Mark was everything I could ask for a guy. He's smart, funny, cute (for me), honest, stable, and sweet. He even went to Puerto Galera last Holy Week just to follow me.

If only...

I am a Spender

Argh! I was not able to attend the G4M party at Government the other
night! I was not able to take the day off because I had so much work to
do especially now that I have come back to my team. There are a lot of
stuff to prepare like trackers, BSCs, PA and a lot (call center lingo).

Finally it's my day off. Got no plans for Saturday night yet. Oh,
someone from G4M invited me for dinner...or was it coffee, I dun
remember but I asked him to just text me. I dun even remember the guy's
username. What the heck! At least now someone's spending on me.
Hahaha...

I'm not really the receiver type. When I go out with friends, I am
always the spender... what they call "taya". And when I am on dates, I
dun let my guy pay for me... I always pay for what I eat. I dun like
people thinking of me as "kuripot" perhaps... or a "user".

Sunday night, me and my bestfriend are going to a fiesta! Yes! Food,
food and food. Better watch my diet and my alcohol intake. Tummy's
getting bigger. I hate it!

Well that's just about it. See you guys!

Guilty for Staying

The other day I almost cried in front of my PC at work. No, it's not
about a lost love. It is about work. It's hard enough to see that most
of my friends are leaving the program but to make me feel so guilty for
staying is harder.

This guy who I have high respect to came by my workstation the other day
and he asked why I was staying. He went on asking what the
qualifications were and stuff. This has been a big issue for me for
several weeks now. I know my boss fought for me to stay because of the
tasks that I have and because of my contribution during the winter peak
but with regards to stats, I have none last quarter.

He maybe joking but I really feel bad about what he said. He made it
sound that I should not be here; that I should be the one transferred;
that I do not have the qualifications to be retained. I didn't even ask
to stay. I never pleaded my boss to fight for me or made any special
favors just for management to make me stay. As my other superior told
me, they chose me because I handle the Rewards and Recognition team
(RnR) team, I take escalated calls, I have multiple skills and I am good
with excel.

Now I can't even look those who will be transferring straight in the eye
because of the guilt that I am staying and they're leaving the program.

I feel so bad about this... but I know I have to be strong.

Home Finally

The program is now officially back home. Yes! All agents in the program will now be reporting in Libis. A lot of changes happened, is happening and will happen. Most of the people, tenured or not, will be transferred to another program. It's a yearly event that everyone dreads, except for some people who willingly transfer in hope of a greener pasteur. Little do they know that most agents who transferred to a different account hated it. Or at least most of those I personally know.

 

I am sad and happy at the same time. I am happy because I am staying. I am sad because those who will leave are the people I've grown to love - my friends. Accepting the fact is hard but choice is not really at hand.

 

Eventually I will have to move on, just like I always say whenever friends ask me for advise - I am after all a lousy advisor.

 

Now back to work for me.

Getting Blowjobs from a Straight Guy And He Said Loved Me

This should have been posted yesterday but since I already have a post for that day, I decided to post this today.
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This pic does not really apply to the story. I just think the pic is funny

It's almost 7 in the morning and I feel I haven't done anything productive here at work. All I did was check my friendster, blog, g4m and downelink acounts. If my boss finds out, I'm over. TL, you are not reading this, right?

Last night this guy I was dating texted me thanking me for all the memories we shared. It sounded like a goodbye thingy and indeed it was. He was my pseudo boyfriend and we've been dating for more than a month now. He is 18 and he is straight - or so he says saying he has a girlfriend. I kinda believe him.

How we met
He texted me out of nowhere and since his number was not listed in my list, I gave him the usual, "sino ka naman?" He said we have been textmates in 2006 and that he stopped using SUN and that now he's using the network again. He also said that I was planning to court him. The thing is, I cannot remember anything about him. Let's call him John for anonimosity. He lives in Villamor and his dad is in the air force. He currently studies in Lyceum.

We first met at Glorieta after my shift around 10am. We had breakfast (I know it's late) and coffee after and headed to my place where I gave him one helluva blowjob. He said he liked it. The next meetings were basically the same until the recent one - he offered to give me a blowjob. At first I was a bit uncomfortable that a supposedly "straight guy" was giving me head but he said he loves me and I love being sucked so I said sure.

He went home around 4pm that day regardless of my subtle plea for him to stay. He said he had to accompany his younger sister to SM Mall of Asia. I let him go and got cold towards him after. I tested him and would reply short messages to his texts. He felt it and he said sorry but I didn't budge. Eventually he thought I was avoiding him, that was when I got guilty and said sorry. Although there was no break-ups, it still feels that way. Not that I am complaining 'coz it's totally my fault.

I kinda miss him now. He's really nice and sweet and he would always tell me how much he loved me and how he wanted to see me everyday, to be with me. He even always said that he loved me more than his girlfriend. Now I feel terrible about what I did. I broke his heart. If ever his really gay or if he becomes gay, I feel bad thinking that ruined his first gay relationship. Argh!

I kinda miss him. I hope he gets over me and does not do anything stupid. He was really emotional in his messages.

Argh! I hate this feeling...