09 February 2007

Why Do You Have to Break Me?
A Sad Story in P2

What would you do if you saw your bestfriend kissing the guy you like?


Name it. It boils down to... IT HURTS! But how do you react to your friend who so unknowingly is breaking your heart into these tiny pieces?

It was Sunday. We were in P2 enjoying the last night of my leave. We were enjoying the sights of half-naked guys dancing up the stage. Then Bryan (not his real name) passed by our spot and my bestfriend immediately recognized him. Of course, he knew about my feelings for Bryan. But sadly, I also knew how Bryan felt for him. I thought I could easily get over - them texting each other, dancing, fooling around - but I was wrong. My best bud disappeared. I tried to wander my eyes around but he was not there. Then in a crowd of half-naked men upstage, he was there, kissing a seemingly familiar guy. He was kissing Bryan (or maybe it was the other way around). I pretended not see them, pulled my cap down so noone could see the tears that I tried so hard to hide. I let out a small sigh, and then a smile but the pain was just too much to bear. I finally retrieved to the comfort room.

When I got back, my best bud was there acting like nothing happened. Probably he thought I didn't see them. I wore my happy mask also pretending I didn't see them. The rest of the night/day went fine. We went home drunk as usual and I dropped him off near his house. As soon as I put my cellphone down the study table, there were 3 messages from him. The first one saying he's home; the second he was asking why I was not texting back; the third saying sorry.

I did not reply. The hurt was too much. It still is. Until now I have not replied any of those messages.

But I know it was not his fault...

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2010 - Wow! I can't believe this blog is already 4 years old! I would like to thank everyone has been so nice to me and my blog. I am really happy that there are people out there who can relate to my life.

January 24, 2010 - I met this guy online who inspired me to write/blog again. To Sal, thank you for the inspiration. I owe you one.

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I am a frustrated artist who finds refuge in bitterness and solitude. Angst is what I speak and love is what I hide. I never want to be seen naked for in nakedness there is truth and truth I am afraid of. Reality never seems to be fair, life in fact is iniquitous.

I like to put up a facade like a masked man in a party. I like to exude and air of mystery and fear. For in fear I earn respect and respect I treasure.

I like to play God once in a while, controlling the people who surround me. I love to twist emotions and bring out the insides.

I have found love but it left me suddenly for reasons until now I do not understand. He pierced right through everything that is me and left a broken arrow in my heart. But I let that happen because I loved him so sincerely. If there was a time I really loved someone, it would be that time. He rocked my world; sadly, he rocked me to my death.


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