26 April 2006

Mr. Petlog and The Bayong

Just got home from work. Had coffee made by my mom. I added sugar to it too.

I will introduce my new-found buddy. He's name is Mr. Petlog [pet ng may itlog]. The name was given to him by Glen, one of my officemates. Hahaha... Here's his pic. In case you see him around, don't be shy and say hi. Okay.

Mr. Petlog. He is famous @ work. Ü

And also, here's the picture of the bayong hanging on my bedroom wall. I got this bayong from Lucban, Quezon for 50 bucks during the Pahiyas Festival 2003. I covered the festival for my internship @ Business World Online. I was working for they're travel website then. It was a lot of fun. I also used the bayong as my bag when I was working for BWorld and also in school. Astig noh! Anyways, I edited the pic using Adobe Photoshop CS. Enjoy!

Direct from Pahiyas Festival 2003... the BAYONG!

And please don't steal my pictures. These are all mine. I will kill anyone who attempts to. I am serious! Bwahahaha...

25 April 2006

My Sister and Me

Here's what I did today. I indulged myself in a one-man photo shoot in my room. Hahaha... Enjoy.

I have also posted my sister's new pics from high school.

Here's what I do when I have nothing better to do in my room. Hahaha....

More... More... More...

Shaeds Galore...

1, 2, 3... Emote!!!

Now it's my sister's time to shine... Her name is Kristen, my only girl sibling...

JS Prom.

Kristen dancing. This picture was taken by my mom.
I used my dad's Samsung digital camera. Someday I am gonna buy one for myself. But first I must buy me a new phone. Huhuhu... Poor me.

24 April 2006


Monday. It is my day off again. Sunday will be the second. Argh! I hate split offs. But I don’t have the choice. I don’t make the schedule. It is necessary that I get Sunday as my off for our team outing at Virgin Beach Batangas but I would have preferred it if my days off would be Saturday and Sunday. Not like this.

Anyways, earlier I remember ihatecofi, an infamous blogger for his rude and conotic way of writing about almost anything. He refers to people he believes to have a lower status as him as orcs and call center agents as baduy. The first time I read his blog I was kinda hurt and mad about how he treats and describes people around him. But I suddenly realized that to be affected by that alone is so pathetic. He has the right to his own opinion as much as I have with mine. Now, I am enjoying how he writes and the truth is, I kinda learn to like him. Though I have never seen how he looks like or if he has the right (may K kung baga) to be judgemental and rude but I visualize him as someone who is cute, cool and rich. Hahaha…

I send Marj some his blog posts and as expected she was appalled by the way he writes. I could not blame her. I was like that the first time. She thinks and firmly believes that ihatecofi is gay. I also think so. But that is beside the point. He stirs people’s emotions and influence them in such a way as Oprah Winfrey does. Somehow I am envious of his blog. Imagine having hundreds of comments in a month! He gets Blogger’s traffic so busy.

Well if you don’t have anything interesting and exciting to do, I suggest you take a peek at his blog. And I promise, you will keep coming back for more. I swear!

His blog is @ http://www.cofibean.blogspot.com/
His disclaimer:
"Disclaimer: Please don't make basa my journal if you find this offensive. Go browse disneyland.com instead. Hope I made it clear. Now, if you still comment on my site, it only means one thing -- you are really one stupid bobo orc!"

23 April 2006

Sexual Apetite = Zero

Pro’ly there is something wrong with me. The guy I talked with (chatname: Outrigger) was pro’ly right. My psyco state is keeping me from getting a hard on (see previous post). My emo level is way beyond saving. Outrigger was right! I should have a change of heart and of ways. I should stop smoking. I should start living a healthy life.

But how? Tell me, how? Not when all of my friends and most of my officemates smoke. How can I prevent myself from joining them downstairs and puffing the very thing that got us closer?

This is really a hard decision to make. To quit or not to quit. Not only smoking. To quit this emotional stress I chose to burden myself with—Robbie. But how? How can you keep yourself detached from the very love of your life? How can you not want a guy you felt a connection with? How can you not want, no, need him?

Questions, questions and more questions.

Tell me, how? Please…

22 April 2006

Threesome Disaster

So I went into a threesome last night. Well actually it was around 3 in the morning earlier. I met this guy, Lei, from a chat room at IRC and he invited me out. I could say I was horny then so I said yes. Lei and his friend picked me up in a red car just outside our subdivision. We rented an apartelle along Visayas avenue.

So we got naked and started sucking and kissing and sucking but as soon as I remembered Robbie, my libido went down 6th feet under. I could not get myself to have a hard on. So I just let the two fuck each other out, or more appropriately fuck each other in and out. And I just sat there looking at them still naked. As soon as they finished, we headed out the apartelle. Raymond, the one with the car brought me home. We got to talk about other stuff than sex. Apparently, he was from UP as well. He studied electrical engineering. He’s 31 by the way. While Lei, the other guy was 21.

*Sigh. I guess being a pokpok ain’t that easy. Earlier last night I had the chance to catch Robbie in a chat room at IRC. He said he needed my help. Again. I said no, not now. But I so wanted to see him. I just controlled myself. I logged off without even saying goodbye to him. He’s going to start working at Pizza Hut next week. I didn’t get the location but nonetheless I am happy he is working. At least he’ll have something to support himself with now that his big sister doesn’t want him back. He is staying at his best friend’s house. I just hope he be well. There’s nothing I ask more than he’s safety and good life. I love so much. Until now my love for him does not falter, even a bit. He is still the love of my life.

21 April 2006

Bad Boy!

It is officially my day off. I wonder what I am going to do. My mom saved me from doing my laundry and I could always ask her to clean my room. She has volunteered yesterday to clean it but I refused. I have so many secrets in that room that only I should know and see. Hahaha. Pro’ly I’ll keep them first in a safe place then I’d ask her to clean it. Bad boy!

My throat is killing me. Maybe I should stop smoking. What do you think? Hmmm… Sounds really hard. I’ll stick with medicines then. Hahahaha. Bad boy!

OMG, I was on the same jeepney with Fridel (this crush of mine from another program in the company) on the way to Cubao. He looked so cute and we had the same shirt color—green. He’s so silent though. And you know I am not the type of who makes the first move. It’s just a crush.

Hay… I still have no plans for today. Wanna invite me out? Anyone?

20 April 2006

Tummy Aches

Can’t wait or my off tomorrow! Argh! This week has been one big ball of stress. And the scarcity of sleep hurts my throat. I had the cab drop me off in front of Watson so I can get my self two capsules or Amoxicillin (spelling?). I took one before I entered the office and I think that is the reason why my tummy is aching right now. I didn’t eat lunch but I had breakfast—pangat na sunog na may mantika. My fave, courtesy of mom.

Pro’ly I’ll buy me one of thoe buy one take one burgers again just to ease the stomach ache. I just hope it doesn’t affect my apetite for lunch. I kinda miss my sisig.


Will post something later. Mwah!

Grumpy Brew @ Retail Theraphy

Half towards my shift and I was already sleeping with my mouth open (*gross). I hope nobody saw me. I also the security cameras didn’t catch me sleeping or else…

Tessa brought me a really big lumpia (no meat) earlier before my shift. It was so huge that I was not able eat half of it. 40 bucks worth. I decided that I’d eat it during my first break. And I didn’t. Instead I bought myself those buy one take one burgers down at Hepalane and ate them in less than 10 minutes. Imagine that! If it were a race I’d pro’ly go home victorious!

I ate lunch alone because the queue couldn’t manage to have Tessa and me go on lunch together. I was really sleepy then and full from the burgers so I decided to forgo my usual sisig (I’ve been eating the same lunch for weeks now) and opted for a BBQ from Inengs. 32.50 bucks. But if you buy it with c cup of rice it’ll cost you 39 bucks, 10 bucks for the rice. I didn’t understand and I wanted to ask the lady who was behind the cashier but I was too sleepy and lonely to exert an effort. I finished my supposedly lunch early, like I always do when I am alone, and headed to 7-11 to buy me a bottle of Red Bull. I figured an energy will somehow keep me awake for the rest of my shift. It kinda did the trick. The queue also helped.

Anwyays, Vera, one of our QAs (quality assurance something) noticed my email signature and my subtle promotion of this blog. Apparently she is a fellow blogger too. And I must say, her’s is far more interesting than mine. (Okay I am being too nice here.) It is worth the visit and I actually like the layout. Try it. You might find something that interests you. RETAIL THERAPHY is the name of the blog.

I am too tired and sleepy. Gotta hit the sack soon. See yah tomorrow.

19 April 2006

We Are Family

The whole family is here. It’s been years since the family got together under one roof. And earlier today, my mom and two of my other siblings came to Manila for a vacation. I was surprised to see a lot has change with my sister and my youngest brother—Kristen and Kristoffer. Kristoffer (the youngest) is now taller than Kristen.

Kristen will be studying college now and my parents are eyeing at Lanting because it is just near the house. She will be staying in my room with me so that means booking at home will not be an option anymore. Not that I am sad about it or anything. The fact is I am excited with Nene being here. A lot of people say we somehow look the same and I know Nene is beautiful so does that mean I am gorgeous as well? No question about that.

My mom wasn’t as excited though. She still believes my life could have been better. I agree but the pressure is the least I need right now. It’s been hard getting ends meet and she blurting about other people having better jobs and lives makes me sad. She still thinks that my life is a waste. Not particularly because of my job but because of how I act. I am, according to her, childish. I never matured over the years. But I still love her nonetheless. She and Papa have been my biggest fan and supporter ever since. Pro’ly she’s just frustrated that of what I have become—no care about God. Of course I do. I just don’t flaunt it.

I didn’t sleep. So except me to be a bit grumpy today here at work. Argh!

18 April 2006

My Father and Memoirs of Geisha

My father is here. He’s here for a seminar at PNU—some teacher stuff and also to enroll my sister in college. He will be here for a month.

We talked about my work and how things were back home. He also said that my weight had improved a little—which is good news for me. We talked for about an hour until I finally decided to watch a movie.

Memoirs or Geisha. I am not a movie critic but when I see a movie and actually like it, I give it all the praises I think it deserves. Memoirs is one of them. The movie is basically about a young girl who got sold by her parents. She was brought to Okea and was made a slave. Then she was trained to be a geisha and was she great. She had eyes like water, as how the characters repeatedly described her. When she was young she met the Chairman and from that moment on, everything she did, she did to get closer to him. And just like any other movie, they ended up together in the end. Cliché but I like it. It’s not a question of what happeneds in the end, it’s how the movie generates from beginning to end—the struggles inbetween and the like.

Cairo sighting: None. But he had been here. See tagboard entry. His exact entry was, “TO BE HURT BY OUR OWN UNDERSTANDING OF LOVE.” Whatever the means. I hate him.

16 April 2006

The Last Holy Day

Holy week is almost over. Religious say, today Christ has risen from the dead. Today believers rejoice and commuters celebrate the re-opening of LRT II.

There has been not much of a fuzz about this holy week. Not that I know of. pro’ly because I wasn’t really paying attention.

I knew of some people however that did celebrate the holy week. I had a friend gave up computer games for a week and the other went to 14 churches or what they call bisita iglesia. But that’s it. And oh, my brother. He went to an alay-lakad of some sort with his girlfriend. They walked from Pasig to Antipolo church.

I’ve once witnessed it when I was working in Business World for my summer internship back when I was still in school. We covered the SuMaKah festival but unlike the so and so believers, we rode with style on a Ford up to Antipolo. We reached the place just before dawn. I got to interview people about why they go there and what they get from it. Most say it’s part of their life-long panata. Their grandparents and parents of their grandparents did just that and probably their ghrandchildren and the sons of their grandchildren will do just that. It is amazing to know how strong these people believe that walking from Quiapo church to Antipolo church will make their lives easier or will merit them a sure ticket to heaven. It’s faith—a really strong one. I also interviewed one guy who owned a black Nazarene. He said that when people wipe their hankies on the Nazarene’s body it cures them of their diseases and pains. Pathetic as it may sound but a lot of Filipinos believe that. This country is so miracle-inclined that people would kneel before a dancing sun or a gay guy who believes Mary speaks to him. Now I heard that guy had a sex change. Who could blame the people, miracles give hope; hope to the poverish lives the majority populace has.

I am always asked if I believed in God. And as someone who was born Christian, I was always inclined to say yes, I believe in God. In fact I used to be a choir member, I used to go to church every Sunday and did churchly stuff. My parents are strong believers as well. I just don’t know what happened with me, why I slowly fall off from that faith. Pro’ly because I had too many questions about religion, about the faith, about God.

One thing I never forgot though is praying—not for myself but for the well-being of my family. You see, even if you don’t believe in God, it is human nature to believe in something. Something where you can draw strength from; something higher that all of us; something up there. Whatever or whoever it is, I don’t care. I’ll just keep on praying.

Weekend of Surprises

Black Saturday. Just got home from Malate. I went there alone. Goal—to get drunk. Recently getting drunk has been my refuge from all the pain that is eating me inside. Pain from Robbie not wanting to get back to me, from Khalel who made me believe he loved me and from all other stuff that are slowly breaking my wall forcing me to insanity—not that I want it.

To my surprise, Rome and Patrick were in Malate as well so I joined them. At first it was really uncomfortable with Patrick being there. Everyone in the office knows I like him to the point of semi-stalking him through email. But I stopped long ago. I realized I’m never gonna win him over. His the type who is better left in the altar—someone you just adore. PERIOD.

So Friday night I met up with Yham—long time text mate. He had been my companion over the phone during sleepless nights when boredom was everywhere. We met at a chatroom that night as I was looking for a drinking session and he readily provided his place and some of his friends. With one caution though, he was with his boyfriend. So I went to Caloocan and his two friends picked me up at 7-11 and brought me to his place. There were four other guys in the house and they were already starting with a pitcher of gin mixed with mango juice.

Yham said we’ve met at Malate but I don’t remember seeing him. And boy was he cute! He’s slim and chinito—just my type. Unfortunately he has a boyfriend for 1 year and two months. Too late for me. And judging by the way he reacted when I was there, he didn’t like me a bit. Nonetheless, I like him. Another heartache waiting to happen but I’ll take my chances. In fact I already did. I texted him I liked him a lot and apparently his boyfriend read the message. I can only imagine his fury. His exact words were, “nakakalalake ka pare.” I said sorry and bade farewell.

Now. I am enjoying myself with a bowl of Lucky Me Supreme and a can of Coke. I hope I could just forget everything that happened this weekend. But I know that won’t happen. I’m soaking bitter drunk in this maelstrom of solitude and pain. How long? I don’t know…

14 April 2006

Haunted by the Past

Friday. It’s my day off. And I don’t know if I’ll be going anywhere. I lost my phone last night and that means I can not invite my friends our or even tell them I plan to go out. Probably I’ll my usual coffee @ Bo’s Coffee Club later. Or I might have a haircut. I don’t know. Come what may I suppose.

I checked Aphol friendster a couple of days back and I saw she had updated her pictures. It now includes the pictures from our recent Galera—the one with Robbie. Seeing Robbie in those pictures reminded me of how bitter I am about what happened. It stinks to know that he enjoyed Aphol’s company more he did with me. It was my fault. The whole trip was probably a disaster for him as it was for me. *Sigh

Me trying to fit in to Robbie's world. ;'(

Past. I remember the first time we met. Robbie was Ryan’s “take out” for that night. Miguel, Ryan and me had a dare. Whoever meets the guy with the largest dick wins. Miguel and I didn’t bring any. Ryan had Robbie who was with his best friend. We stayed at Miguel’s abandoned house in Project 6. We were with a couple more friends. The dare it seemed was then impossible to fulfill. We were just too many and Robbie was the sure winner. According to Ryan, Robbie had a huge dick. He saw it once while Robbie was showing off in his cam for every meat lovers to see. Ryan was one of them I suppose.

We started the night with a bottle of Emperador. We gathered on the floor and started a dare game—truth or consequence. Robbie was asked who he liked in the group. He pointed at me. That time the feeling was already mutual. When I was my turn I readily pointed at him. He was then asked to kiss the guy he liked. Again it was me. I also kissed him. He asked questions like Are you top or bottom, Are you in a relationship and the likes. The next thing I knew we were sitting together, kissing each other like there was no tomorrow. I like the way he kisses. He will kiss you ever so lightly and then gently wipe your lips with his thumb. I find that very romantic. And that was the first time I experienced something like that. Right there and then I knew I was going to be in love. And I was. I still am.

The first time we ever had sex was on my room. He licked me all over literally and I licked him too. He sucked me and I sucked him. And then I tried to fuck him but he couldn’t take the pain. It was going to be his first, and so he said. I tried it again gently but seeing his face, I realized how painful it was for him. I stopped. My libido went six-feet under. He was my angel. He is my angel. And I didn’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to hurt him. He said sorry and I understood. He promised next time it was going to be different. And yes it was. I fucked twice, thrice and it was wonderful. It’s not really a matter or fulfilling your carnal desires by fucking somebody. It is that wonderful feeling, the moment when you share your body with someone you actually like that makes the difference. I felt that with Robbie.

The first month was heaven. The second was earth. The third was painful.

I would so hypocrite if I said I don’t love him anymore. I still do just the same as the first time we met. The sad and excruciating thing is facing the fact that he doesn’t feel the same way anymore. It’ the thought of probabilities that makes it hard to move on.

Emo level: Really low. And I lost my phone. I am devastated.

Here are some pictures from my second visit to Galera. I will post more soon.

The love of my life--Robbie

Me, Robbie and Aphol -- I look like their chaperon

Robbie, Aphol and Me -- Me trying hard to have fun. Argh!

13 April 2006

I Lost my Phone last Night

I lost my phone last night. I was so stupid. It's a very long story and definitely one of those stories I'd rather keep to myself. But I am sad. NO, I am devastated. It is going to take very long before I can have it replaced.

To all my friends please don't text me @ 09224422050. I lost that number already. I'll update you guys of my new number and I really hope soon. ;'(

12 April 2006

For the Couple @ Hepalane

I was eating at Hepalane (not the most appetizing name I know) with Nica earlier during my lunch break when she noticed two guys behind me holding each other’s hands. I took a quick peek and there they are; two souls so in love with each other that they didn’t care what other would think. They were obviously a gay couple and they were really sweet. I took a longer glance the second time I looked and I saw the other guy put his arms around his partner’s waist.

Suddenly I felt a tinge of pity for myself. When will I be in that situation? Will I ever be in the first place? And then I remembered Robbie. We used to do that when our relationship was new. He used to hug me, kiss me on the back and hold my hand every chance he got. We were like them before – couldn’t get enough of each other. But as our relationship developed with time, he seemed to be moving farther away from me. For what reason? I don’t know. All I know is/was his loved lessened until I could feel it no more.

And the next thing I knew I was trying really hard to move on.

For that couple at Hepalane,
I wish you the best with all sincerity. I am envious of your relationship and I hope you will last forever (if there’s such a thing). You make us (single people) feel that there’s still hope in this sad bitter world and that people like us deserve to be loved and cared for and especially be proud of for.

Cairo update: I read from this guy’s blog Lexan that Cairo had brought his new boyfriend to MCC. As Lexan described him the guy was “melanin deprived syota niya… pero okay naman… highly fashionable… mukhang mamahalin… mukhang silent type… mukhang sampong beses maligo isang araw… medyo mahirap yatang espellingin…”

Totally the opposite of me. Well I am sure his happy and I have somehow learned to accept the fact that he never really liked me. So I am moving on…

Read Lexan’s blog. You might learn a thing or two. I totally love it.

11 April 2006

Office Summer Outing @ Virgin Beach

Everyone in the office is just so excited for the summer outing on the 30th of this month at Virgin Beach Batangas. Our team, along with Team Nikki is planning to spend the night there as well which means that we will be paying for the excess time since the compnay is only paying the place from 8am-5pm. It is gonna be so much fun. I just hope the plan falls into place.

I miss the beach already. I miss Puerto Galera. I am even thinking of going there next month. I just hope there won’t be a leave ban this May. I want to go there alone or with someone I don’t know that much. Proly someone I’ll meet at chatrooms or at fabuloush.com.

You know that last time I was in Galera, although it was really tragic and full of frustrations, I did enjoy it. Although I was most of the time alone because Aphol and Robbie were always together, I did feel a sense of belongingness there especially that I made a lot of new friends from Brux bar and of Yabe and the other korean who still haven’t called. I ain’t expecting for that anymore.

I kinda am used to the boat ride. The ride to and fro Galera was relatively smooth compared from the first time I was there with Aphol.

I’ll proly stay for three days there from Friday until Sunday. Anyone of you wanna join me? Shoot me an email or leave me a comment here. I AM SERIOUS.

10 April 2006

Something to Give up this Holy Week

Holy week is around. I hear a lot of people talking about what they would do, or rather would not do this week as some form of penitence—some sort of scarifice. I have this one guy officemate who is giving up computer games this week, while another plans to go church-hopping (not really sure what it’s called). I read in a newspaper this article about people having themselves crucified while conscious. All I could say is ouch! That must have hurt! People do crazy stuff just to prove themselves worthy of heaven. Or Crazy might not be the right word. I dunno.

It got me thinking. What would I not do as a sacrifice this holy week?

I could definitely not give up smoking. I am an addict too much for the vise I don’t have the heart to defy myself of that. How about sex? Hmmm… It does not really count because I seldom have sex these days. Lack of guys? No. It’s lack of time and I have come to the point that I want to have sex with a guy I actually like and think I have a future with. So sex won’t definitely count. Eating meat? Hell NO! I love meat too much. And besides, if I don’t eat meat, what would I eat? There are very few vegetables that I eat—cabbage, kangkong, squash, etc. And I can’t eat just those, right? I don’t want to die of starvation. Alcohol? Hmmm… What would I do when I go to Malate this Friday or Saturday? I’ll die of boredom. I can not just smoke my lungs out and do nothing? And I don’t dance so drinking ain’t gonne be it.

I am running out of ideas. Pro’ly I just won’t give up anything. I mean Jesus had already done that and I think it is time to move on, right? I mean as long as you think what you’re doing is right and you don’t step on anyone’s foot then hell GO! Do what you like, what you love. Holy Week ain’t supposed to be hardships and sufferings. It’s supposed to be about celebration. It’s supposed to be fun!

Or... is it just me?

08 April 2006

Drunken Master

So yesterday was my day off and I didn't have plans until a guy whom I've only known as Orange texted me to meet him up. I readily agreed and we met around 9 in the evening at SM North Edsa. He wasn't that bad and I could see from how he toched the hair on my legs and the way he puffed my cigarette that he liked me, proly a little too much. We found ourselves at the steps of the UP Diliman library where he was giving me head. Three guys passed by and thus the short stop to that encounter. But he wouldn't give up for he continued doing what he was doing until he came. I didn't.

Afterwhich, I headed to Malate and met up with a long-time friend--Aldrin. He was with five other guys which he intorduced as clanmates. We went inside Fluid and to my surprise I actually liked the place. The dancefloor was wide, not too crowded. The interior was also nicely crafted and the crowd was relatively young.

To my surpise as well, I saw three familiar faces. They were the gusy whom Robbie was speaking (flirting) with when we were in Galera. Seeing them that close and well dressed, I couldn't blame Robbie to flirt with them. They're so cute that I myself got attracted to one of them. But I was busy with my pork sisig and a bottle of Colt Ice.

I went home around 5 in the morning totally wasted. Thank God for cab drivers!

07 April 2006

Disaster in Puerto Galera

Puerto Galera
I was with Aphol and Robbie last weekend (Mar 31-Apr 02) in White Beach Puerto Galera. The sun was really on our faces and almost burnt us out, except that I didn’t really soak in the sun that much. I stayed at Brux bar while the other two burned their asses on the beach.

On our last night there I met two Korean guys at Brux bar while I was drinking a bottle of beer. They introduced themselves but unfortunately I only got one guy’s name – Yabe. They asked for my name and number and where I lived. They also invited me out this Sunday. I am still waiting for their call though. Robbie on the other was talking to this guy (Filipino) who I always see in Malate. And by the way, he was cute and so was his two other friends. Seeing Robbie talk to that guy hurt me like hell. I just couldn’t look at them laughing together. Good thing Yabe and his friends came into the picture. I had reason to turn my back from Robbie. Of course that was an attempt to make Robbie jealous but to no avail. He seemed to have even liked it that we looked like we were not acquainted so he could go meet other guys.

The day after that, we did not talk at all. I didn’t even spoke with Aphol until we were on the bus on the way to Manila. Same with Robbie. I tried so desperately to avoid a chance for conversation but Robbie was so irresistible.

I really don’t get her. She just tries so hard. She is my friend but sometimes I don’t understand her. She easily get inlove with a guy and then when that guy doesn’t like her back and ignores her, she goes into this melodramatic diva. She always makes the wrong turns.

Last sighting: April 5 (Wednesday) early morning when I gave him something. I invited him to Galera hoping we could work things out and maybe get back together. I was really excited when I picked him up near his place and brought him home so I could pack my things for the beach. But during the entire vacation, he totally ignored me. Except when I was giving him head while Aphol was pretending to be sleeping. I finish him off (and myself) inside the bathroom. I tried to kiss him on the lips but he swayed his head right and left avoiding my lips. And that REALLY hurt—a lot. And he says he loves me. Duh! The sad thing is, I could not get myself to be mad at him. I love him too much for that. And my friends say I am so tanga (stupid). Well I know I am. Welcome to me.

After that last meeting, I texted him that I was giving up for real. I just hope I can sustain this and prove to myself that I will be able to forget him. No guarantees though. Up to know I still love and I miss him everyday.

Sighting: NONE. But he texted asking if I can help him apply for a job in a call center. I just replied, “Who u?”

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2010 - Wow! I can't believe this blog is already 4 years old! I would like to thank everyone has been so nice to me and my blog. I am really happy that there are people out there who can relate to my life.

January 24, 2010 - I met this guy online who inspired me to write/blog again. To Sal, thank you for the inspiration. I owe you one.

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I am a frustrated artist who finds refuge in bitterness and solitude. Angst is what I speak and love is what I hide. I never want to be seen naked for in nakedness there is truth and truth I am afraid of. Reality never seems to be fair, life in fact is iniquitous.

I like to put up a facade like a masked man in a party. I like to exude and air of mystery and fear. For in fear I earn respect and respect I treasure.

I like to play God once in a while, controlling the people who surround me. I love to twist emotions and bring out the insides.

I have found love but it left me suddenly for reasons until now I do not understand. He pierced right through everything that is me and left a broken arrow in my heart. But I let that happen because I loved him so sincerely. If there was a time I really loved someone, it would be that time. He rocked my world; sadly, he rocked me to my death.


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