26 January 2008

I am a Spender

Argh! I was not able to attend the G4M party at Government the other
night! I was not able to take the day off because I had so much work to
do especially now that I have come back to my team. There are a lot of
stuff to prepare like trackers, BSCs, PA and a lot (call center lingo).

Finally it's my day off. Got no plans for Saturday night yet. Oh,
someone from G4M invited me for dinner...or was it coffee, I dun
remember but I asked him to just text me. I dun even remember the guy's
username. What the heck! At least now someone's spending on me.

I'm not really the receiver type. When I go out with friends, I am
always the spender... what they call "taya". And when I am on dates, I
dun let my guy pay for me... I always pay for what I eat. I dun like
people thinking of me as "kuripot" perhaps... or a "user".

Sunday night, me and my bestfriend are going to a fiesta! Yes! Food,
food and food. Better watch my diet and my alcohol intake. Tummy's
getting bigger. I hate it!

Well that's just about it. See you guys!

25 January 2008

Guilty for Staying

The other day I almost cried in front of my PC at work. No, it's not
about a lost love. It is about work. It's hard enough to see that most
of my friends are leaving the program but to make me feel so guilty for
staying is harder.

This guy who I have high respect to came by my workstation the other day
and he asked why I was staying. He went on asking what the
qualifications were and stuff. This has been a big issue for me for
several weeks now. I know my boss fought for me to stay because of the
tasks that I have and because of my contribution during the winter peak
but with regards to stats, I have none last quarter.

He maybe joking but I really feel bad about what he said. He made it
sound that I should not be here; that I should be the one transferred;
that I do not have the qualifications to be retained. I didn't even ask
to stay. I never pleaded my boss to fight for me or made any special
favors just for management to make me stay. As my other superior told
me, they chose me because I handle the Rewards and Recognition team
(RnR) team, I take escalated calls, I have multiple skills and I am good
with excel.

Now I can't even look those who will be transferring straight in the eye
because of the guilt that I am staying and they're leaving the program.

I feel so bad about this... but I know I have to be strong.

15 January 2008

Home Finally

The program is now officially back home. Yes! All agents in the program will now be reporting in Libis. A lot of changes happened, is happening and will happen. Most of the people, tenured or not, will be transferred to another program. It's a yearly event that everyone dreads, except for some people who willingly transfer in hope of a greener pasteur. Little do they know that most agents who transferred to a different account hated it. Or at least most of those I personally know.
I am sad and happy at the same time. I am happy because I am staying. I am sad because those who will leave are the people I've grown to love - my friends. Accepting the fact is hard but choice is not really at hand.
Eventually I will have to move on, just like I always say whenever friends ask me for advise - I am after all a lousy advisor.
Now back to work for me.

12 January 2008

Getting Blowjobs from a Straight Guy
And He Said Loved Me

This should have been posted yesterday but since I already have a post for that day, I decided to post this today.

This pic does not really apply to the story. I just think the pic is funny

It's almost 7 in the morning and I feel I haven't done anything productive here at work. All I did was check my friendster, blog, g4m and downelink acounts. If my boss finds out, I'm over. TL, you are not reading this, right?

Last night this guy I was dating texted me thanking me for all the memories we shared. It sounded like a goodbye thingy and indeed it was. He was my pseudo boyfriend and we've been dating for more than a month now. He is 18 and he is straight - or so he says saying he has a girlfriend. I kinda believe him.

How we met
He texted me out of nowhere and since his number was not listed in my list, I gave him the usual, "sino ka naman?" He said we have been textmates in 2006 and that he stopped using SUN and that now he's using the network again. He also said that I was planning to court him. The thing is, I cannot remember anything about him. Let's call him John for anonimosity. He lives in Villamor and his dad is in the air force. He currently studies in Lyceum.

We first met at Glorieta after my shift around 10am. We had breakfast (I know it's late) and coffee after and headed to my place where I gave him one helluva blowjob. He said he liked it. The next meetings were basically the same until the recent one - he offered to give me a blowjob. At first I was a bit uncomfortable that a supposedly "straight guy" was giving me head but he said he loves me and I love being sucked so I said sure.

He went home around 4pm that day regardless of my subtle plea for him to stay. He said he had to accompany his younger sister to SM Mall of Asia. I let him go and got cold towards him after. I tested him and would reply short messages to his texts. He felt it and he said sorry but I didn't budge. Eventually he thought I was avoiding him, that was when I got guilty and said sorry. Although there was no break-ups, it still feels that way. Not that I am complaining 'coz it's totally my fault.

I kinda miss him now. He's really nice and sweet and he would always tell me how much he loved me and how he wanted to see me everyday, to be with me. He even always said that he loved me more than his girlfriend. Now I feel terrible about what I did. I broke his heart. If ever his really gay or if he becomes gay, I feel bad thinking that ruined his first gay relationship. Argh!

I kinda miss him. I hope he gets over me and does not do anything stupid. He was really emotional in his messages.

Argh! I hate this feeling...

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11 January 2008

G4M Party @ Club Government
Wanna Come With?

At work again listening to Neyo's Because of You while checking my G4M, Friendster and my blog. I got one comment from Chris for my previous post but I really didn't get the message. I think he was asking for my contacts but I ain't really that sure. So if you are reading this, kindly clarify what you meant.

So there's gonna be a party at Club Government on the 24th of January. Club Goverment and Guys4men present TRIPLE G SPOT as G4M turns one year old @ Club Goverment. I am thinking of going. With whom? I still dunno. But I already submitted my intentions for free entrance. Wanna come with? Just email me or send me something. Below is how the ad goes.

Wanna Come With?

CLUB GOVERNMENT AND GUYS4MEN present TRIPLE G SPOT - Thursday Jan 24, 2008 Guys4men turns one year old @ CLUB GOVERNMENT! The party that started it is back!!

Get ready to turn on all your G Spots at the hottest club in the metro! Be prepared to party and celebrate with Manila's hottest guys4men members!

Free cocktails, mega performances, and the hottest GOVERNMENT gogoboys to tease you on the dancefloor!

I have been to the place twice and on one occassion it was New Year's eve. Lol. The second one was when I was with a group of friends, one of which was a fuck bud. I don't really like the place accessibility-wise. I live in Tandang Sora which is like miles away from the club. But I wanna try something different from my usual taste of Palawan crowd so I am gonna try this party and see how it goes.

So if you are going, then send me something. We can pro'ly go together. This invite though is strictly for those who are goodlooking and someone I could possibly end up in bed with... my bed... Lol! That was a joke. Well part of it is. Ü

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10 January 2008

Can you see me?
Work Stuff

Went to work late today. Had a very long sleep but it's always never enough. Don't you just hate it when someone knocks at your door and asks, "Don't you have work tonight?" My aunt always does thatn which is great because that way I don't over sleep and forget my shift but sometimes sleeping is just sooo beautiful. Describing sleeping as beautiful, what the hell am I thinking?!

Another trip to Divisoria is waiting for me later. Yanie and I are going to buy these mugs we can place pictures on. This will be the souvenir for the agents during the Winter Peak (Nov-Dec). I have yet to edit the pictures though. There are just too many to fit in one sheet of paper. Here's what I have come up with so far. There are still so many pictures though. Can you see me?

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09 January 2008

New Guy

The new year is looking good for me. I am now dating this beautiful guy, Daryl, I met in Palawan. I have actually been crushing on him for a long time now but never had the chance to mingle with him. On my birthday, Dustine (a guy I courted but never went pass that stage - my fault) introduced us. They're friends. On the second time that we saw each other at Palawan 1, he asked for my number. Apparenty he has a big crush on me from the first time he saw me with Dustine but the latter made it clear that he was dating me and that I was off limits. Hahaha. Good things sometimes happens to those who wait. Hehehe.

Daryl Yumyum!!!

I am not sure though if this will lead to something else. I am still too tied with the though of Robbie and I kinda told Daryl about him and how I feel. He also knows Robbie and has stories to tell too. Now he thinks he's just one of my "aura". Plus I am not that sure if I am really ready for another relationship. I know, it has been one year and 11 months since I left Robbie. It's not that I have not moved on yet, I am just afraid - afraid that my next relationships will not last. Plus there are still a lot of fishes in the sea. I am the type who does not know when enough is enough when it comes to guys. I always know there is someone better - one of my many flaws I would say.

But what the heck! I will enjoy what I have now! And my officemates say Daryl is sooo cute. One of them is even drooling over him. Hahaha...

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05 January 2008

2007: Huh?!

Happy new year everyone!

2008. I wonder what this year will bring me. I do hope it's something good. Last year, which was just about hours ago, was a combination of both sad and happy things but its mostly the latter.

2007 Highlights
- My relationship with my bestfriend became stronger and our night outs became more frequent.
- In total, I had 18 guys I went to bed with, 8 of which were bottom and four of which claimed to be first timers. (Really now?)
- I got promoted twice last year at work. Yipee! The hard work finally paid off.
- I got my hair cut really short, thank to Dustine. It was my third time in this lifetime.
- I finally uploaded the new template of my blog which by the way, I am starting to get tired of so I might make a new one. No promises when this time though.
- My weight improved.
- People in Palawan think I am younger than my age. I just turned 25. Happy birthday to me!
- I got myself a new iPod video with 80G memory, only one-third of which is consumed until now.
- Janah & Jano gave birth to three beautiful kittens. More mouths to feed at home but ther cuteness always gets me. I love cats.
- Still got no boyfriend, an achievement I am really proud of. It's been 1 year and 10 months... going 2 years!
- I feel I pretty much can get any guy I want... in Palawan. Hahaha...
- I grew a goatee and I think it looks good on me. Guys think it's ticklish... Let your imagination soar...
- I met a lot of gorgeous guys and had a lot of proposals which I turned down.
- The holiday saw me as someone who was a divisoria addict. Not that I want to be. I went there because of work. It's a long story. one of these day, I'll post something about it... and a lot of pictures too. Ü

Well that's just about what I remember but I am sure there are more.

By the way, I uploaded some new pictures in my friendster account. Check 'em out! My email is pinokyo23@yahoo.com. (don't ask!)

Me and Yanie
Yanie and me after our shift.

Yanie & Me at Cybermall, Eastwood
Happy new year again guys!

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2010 - Wow! I can't believe this blog is already 4 years old! I would like to thank everyone has been so nice to me and my blog. I am really happy that there are people out there who can relate to my life.

January 24, 2010 - I met this guy online who inspired me to write/blog again. To Sal, thank you for the inspiration. I owe you one.

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I am a frustrated artist who finds refuge in bitterness and solitude. Angst is what I speak and love is what I hide. I never want to be seen naked for in nakedness there is truth and truth I am afraid of. Reality never seems to be fair, life in fact is iniquitous.

I like to put up a facade like a masked man in a party. I like to exude and air of mystery and fear. For in fear I earn respect and respect I treasure.

I like to play God once in a while, controlling the people who surround me. I love to twist emotions and bring out the insides.

I have found love but it left me suddenly for reasons until now I do not understand. He pierced right through everything that is me and left a broken arrow in my heart. But I let that happen because I loved him so sincerely. If there was a time I really loved someone, it would be that time. He rocked my world; sadly, he rocked me to my death.


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