25 January 2008

Guilty for Staying

The other day I almost cried in front of my PC at work. No, it's not
about a lost love. It is about work. It's hard enough to see that most
of my friends are leaving the program but to make me feel so guilty for
staying is harder.

This guy who I have high respect to came by my workstation the other day
and he asked why I was staying. He went on asking what the
qualifications were and stuff. This has been a big issue for me for
several weeks now. I know my boss fought for me to stay because of the
tasks that I have and because of my contribution during the winter peak
but with regards to stats, I have none last quarter.

He maybe joking but I really feel bad about what he said. He made it
sound that I should not be here; that I should be the one transferred;
that I do not have the qualifications to be retained. I didn't even ask
to stay. I never pleaded my boss to fight for me or made any special
favors just for management to make me stay. As my other superior told
me, they chose me because I handle the Rewards and Recognition team
(RnR) team, I take escalated calls, I have multiple skills and I am good
with excel.

Now I can't even look those who will be transferring straight in the eye
because of the guilt that I am staying and they're leaving the program.

I feel so bad about this... but I know I have to be strong.


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2010 - Wow! I can't believe this blog is already 4 years old! I would like to thank everyone has been so nice to me and my blog. I am really happy that there are people out there who can relate to my life.

January 24, 2010 - I met this guy online who inspired me to write/blog again. To Sal, thank you for the inspiration. I owe you one.

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I am a frustrated artist who finds refuge in bitterness and solitude. Angst is what I speak and love is what I hide. I never want to be seen naked for in nakedness there is truth and truth I am afraid of. Reality never seems to be fair, life in fact is iniquitous.

I like to put up a facade like a masked man in a party. I like to exude and air of mystery and fear. For in fear I earn respect and respect I treasure.

I like to play God once in a while, controlling the people who surround me. I love to twist emotions and bring out the insides.

I have found love but it left me suddenly for reasons until now I do not understand. He pierced right through everything that is me and left a broken arrow in my heart. But I let that happen because I loved him so sincerely. If there was a time I really loved someone, it would be that time. He rocked my world; sadly, he rocked me to my death.


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