21 September 2006


Yeah, I have been gone for a long. And trust me, there are reasons. Big ones!

But DO NOT get me wrong. I still love writing down my life. Not on a piece of paper though nor in front of my computer. I keep notes in my cellphone.

So here they are. There just few but tells a lot. And I won't change the spelling nor the format. This is from a cellphone anyway.

-17sep around 3am. Feel so alonbe and depressed.all the guys here r hookin up w/ evry1 else bt nobody wnts to even talk w/me. How i wish i cud b dt handsum guy hu evry1 wants.not ds old freakin ugly guy hu jz wishes and hopes he cud b sum1 else.

-21sep early morning-with frnds hir @ palawan,3 of w/c i hv a secret desire 2 bt im sure d word hs alrdy cum out.deyv already feasted on hw pathetic i am 4 hving those desires & it fils so awkward bein hir. im sure der laughin @ me ryt nw...

...hir i am halfwishin id c robbie hir.evry1 wants me 2muv on bt i cnt.iv involved myself so much w/ him dt its so hard 2 t think abt him.&im goin around n d same circle, same pathetic esxcuses,same stupid views it fils lyk nutin's evr gona happen...

...nt lyk sumtin evr hpps.&wut hurts so much s admittin 2myslf im gettin too old &ugly 4guys.noone wud evr find me attractve.n a crowd of gayguys,im nt n s Alist,ever.feelin a great remorse 2myself 4bein me.i gz they'r jz gona be frnds,dts it.

Nw i get wt iv alwys wntd.jz saw robbie.he passed by our spot.he ddnt see me.i duno wt i shud il.memories suddenly flashd n frnt of me.me kissing robbie,him giving me head on a bus on our way home from olongapo.i mz him.terribly.

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2010 - Wow! I can't believe this blog is already 4 years old! I would like to thank everyone has been so nice to me and my blog. I am really happy that there are people out there who can relate to my life.

January 24, 2010 - I met this guy online who inspired me to write/blog again. To Sal, thank you for the inspiration. I owe you one.

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I am a frustrated artist who finds refuge in bitterness and solitude. Angst is what I speak and love is what I hide. I never want to be seen naked for in nakedness there is truth and truth I am afraid of. Reality never seems to be fair, life in fact is iniquitous.

I like to put up a facade like a masked man in a party. I like to exude and air of mystery and fear. For in fear I earn respect and respect I treasure.

I like to play God once in a while, controlling the people who surround me. I love to twist emotions and bring out the insides.

I have found love but it left me suddenly for reasons until now I do not understand. He pierced right through everything that is me and left a broken arrow in my heart. But I let that happen because I loved him so sincerely. If there was a time I really loved someone, it would be that time. He rocked my world; sadly, he rocked me to my death.


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