16 April 2006

Weekend of Surprises

Black Saturday. Just got home from Malate. I went there alone. Goal—to get drunk. Recently getting drunk has been my refuge from all the pain that is eating me inside. Pain from Robbie not wanting to get back to me, from Khalel who made me believe he loved me and from all other stuff that are slowly breaking my wall forcing me to insanity—not that I want it.

To my surprise, Rome and Patrick were in Malate as well so I joined them. At first it was really uncomfortable with Patrick being there. Everyone in the office knows I like him to the point of semi-stalking him through email. But I stopped long ago. I realized I’m never gonna win him over. His the type who is better left in the altar—someone you just adore. PERIOD.

So Friday night I met up with Yham—long time text mate. He had been my companion over the phone during sleepless nights when boredom was everywhere. We met at a chatroom that night as I was looking for a drinking session and he readily provided his place and some of his friends. With one caution though, he was with his boyfriend. So I went to Caloocan and his two friends picked me up at 7-11 and brought me to his place. There were four other guys in the house and they were already starting with a pitcher of gin mixed with mango juice.

Yham said we’ve met at Malate but I don’t remember seeing him. And boy was he cute! He’s slim and chinito—just my type. Unfortunately he has a boyfriend for 1 year and two months. Too late for me. And judging by the way he reacted when I was there, he didn’t like me a bit. Nonetheless, I like him. Another heartache waiting to happen but I’ll take my chances. In fact I already did. I texted him I liked him a lot and apparently his boyfriend read the message. I can only imagine his fury. His exact words were, “nakakalalake ka pare.” I said sorry and bade farewell.

Now. I am enjoying myself with a bowl of Lucky Me Supreme and a can of Coke. I hope I could just forget everything that happened this weekend. But I know that won’t happen. I’m soaking bitter drunk in this maelstrom of solitude and pain. How long? I don’t know…


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2010 - Wow! I can't believe this blog is already 4 years old! I would like to thank everyone has been so nice to me and my blog. I am really happy that there are people out there who can relate to my life.

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I am a frustrated artist who finds refuge in bitterness and solitude. Angst is what I speak and love is what I hide. I never want to be seen naked for in nakedness there is truth and truth I am afraid of. Reality never seems to be fair, life in fact is iniquitous.

I like to put up a facade like a masked man in a party. I like to exude and air of mystery and fear. For in fear I earn respect and respect I treasure.

I like to play God once in a while, controlling the people who surround me. I love to twist emotions and bring out the insides.

I have found love but it left me suddenly for reasons until now I do not understand. He pierced right through everything that is me and left a broken arrow in my heart. But I let that happen because I loved him so sincerely. If there was a time I really loved someone, it would be that time. He rocked my world; sadly, he rocked me to my death.


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