10 April 2006

Something to Give up this Holy Week

Holy week is around. I hear a lot of people talking about what they would do, or rather would not do this week as some form of penitence—some sort of scarifice. I have this one guy officemate who is giving up computer games this week, while another plans to go church-hopping (not really sure what it’s called). I read in a newspaper this article about people having themselves crucified while conscious. All I could say is ouch! That must have hurt! People do crazy stuff just to prove themselves worthy of heaven. Or Crazy might not be the right word. I dunno.

It got me thinking. What would I not do as a sacrifice this holy week?

I could definitely not give up smoking. I am an addict too much for the vise I don’t have the heart to defy myself of that. How about sex? Hmmm… It does not really count because I seldom have sex these days. Lack of guys? No. It’s lack of time and I have come to the point that I want to have sex with a guy I actually like and think I have a future with. So sex won’t definitely count. Eating meat? Hell NO! I love meat too much. And besides, if I don’t eat meat, what would I eat? There are very few vegetables that I eat—cabbage, kangkong, squash, etc. And I can’t eat just those, right? I don’t want to die of starvation. Alcohol? Hmmm… What would I do when I go to Malate this Friday or Saturday? I’ll die of boredom. I can not just smoke my lungs out and do nothing? And I don’t dance so drinking ain’t gonne be it.

I am running out of ideas. Pro’ly I just won’t give up anything. I mean Jesus had already done that and I think it is time to move on, right? I mean as long as you think what you’re doing is right and you don’t step on anyone’s foot then hell GO! Do what you like, what you love. Holy Week ain’t supposed to be hardships and sufferings. It’s supposed to be about celebration. It’s supposed to be fun!

Or... is it just me?


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I am a frustrated artist who finds refuge in bitterness and solitude. Angst is what I speak and love is what I hide. I never want to be seen naked for in nakedness there is truth and truth I am afraid of. Reality never seems to be fair, life in fact is iniquitous.

I like to put up a facade like a masked man in a party. I like to exude and air of mystery and fear. For in fear I earn respect and respect I treasure.

I like to play God once in a while, controlling the people who surround me. I love to twist emotions and bring out the insides.

I have found love but it left me suddenly for reasons until now I do not understand. He pierced right through everything that is me and left a broken arrow in my heart. But I let that happen because I loved him so sincerely. If there was a time I really loved someone, it would be that time. He rocked my world; sadly, he rocked me to my death.


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