17 February 2006

Night Before Puerto
An Encounter With an Ex

Slept for thirty minutes. Marvin is in the room sleeping soundly. We met at Starbucks Araneta last night with a couple of friends, one of which was from college, Marj. Apparently, she broke up with her beau and wanted to return all the things he gave her, mostly stuff toys. So lame! I told her. So yesterday! Don’t you agree? I mean, those stuff have been given for a reason and besides, returning them wouldn’t change anything. It’s not as if when she shows up on his doorsteps with those stuff toys very late in the evening everything would change! Common! So I convinced her not to return the things but last night. We came into a decision that she should return the things when she’s really ready to let go and move on. I never did understand straight relationships. They’re so complicated. Yeah? So we stayed until almost midnight at Starbucks talking about life, college days and love among others.

Marvin went home with me. We talked for most of the part about his relationships after me and all the girls he met and the one he almost got pregnant. It made me realize why “we” never worked out. It was my fault. I was immature and stupid. And it seems that he was as juvenile as I was for he did not let me explain. But I am happy about our relationship though. Nothing committal but at least we’re happy. Or at least I am. We made love and then talk after. I miss those times when sex was fun and exciting and “shivery,” if you get my drift. It’s not like usual me; smoke-right-after-sex guy anymore. Marvin made me feel loved again. But one thing is for sure, I am still decided to be single for as long as I can. No commitments. Period.

We talked about Robbie too. How he hurt me and how I love him and so miss him. Yeah, I miss him so much. I was having coffee earlier around 7pm at Bo’s Coffee Club and I remembered him. How I wished he would text me or show up right there on my face just like a ghost out of nowhere but this time I won’t be frightened but excited and ecstatic. But I was hoping so bad it almost made me cry. Oh well. And then Marj texted she needed company.

I wonder where he is right now. I really do. And I pray for him each night. May he be always safe. I still love him so.

Gotta get ready for Puerto. By the way, Aphol and I are gonna go to Puerto today. We plan to meet around 7am. We’re going to stay at her friend’s place there. My first time. I’m hoping for the best. After this, I’m gonna be broke, again. Well, what’s new anyways?

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2010 - Wow! I can't believe this blog is already 4 years old! I would like to thank everyone has been so nice to me and my blog. I am really happy that there are people out there who can relate to my life.

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I am a frustrated artist who finds refuge in bitterness and solitude. Angst is what I speak and love is what I hide. I never want to be seen naked for in nakedness there is truth and truth I am afraid of. Reality never seems to be fair, life in fact is iniquitous.


I like to put up a facade like a masked man in a party. I like to exude and air of mystery and fear. For in fear I earn respect and respect I treasure.

I like to play God once in a while, controlling the people who surround me. I love to twist emotions and bring out the insides.

I have found love but it left me suddenly for reasons until now I do not understand. He pierced right through everything that is me and left a broken arrow in my heart. But I let that happen because I loved him so sincerely. If there was a time I really loved someone, it would be that time. He rocked my world; sadly, he rocked me to my death.

 


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