23 February 2006

Two Years After
Superman Returns

It has been around two years since I met Khalel. When I first knew him I thought his name was Cairo since that was how introduced himself. We met at downelink. He wasn’t really the guy I would normally like (or at least his pictures were). He was looking for someone who’d be in Malate that night and I readily said yes. I sent him a message that I was going. I also left him my number. Night came and he texted me asking if I was going in Malate. Unfortunately the scaredy cat that I was got into me and I said I would meet him some other time.



So the time came that we decided to meet. I was in Malate early so I ordered myself a bottle of beer. The first one passed bay swiftly but he was nowhere still. He was coming from work and he kept on texting his near. So I ordered another beer and enjoyed my Winston Lights. After a couple of hours more, I think, he arrived with a big smile. God, was he an angel. He was chinito, moreno and everything I wanted for a guy. I was not expecting him to be like that but to my satisfaction, he was. So we were sitting there, seldom talking with each other while we wait for his friend. We would make small talk but that was it.

When his friend arrived we decided to try the then newly-opened bath house (I forgot the name). It was right across Malate.

I sat near the bar while they dance the night away. I was so out of place but I enjoyed it anyhow just looking at him, letting my heart fall, again. I knew right there and then that he was a heartache waiting to happen, a series of night watching dramatic movies with popcorn on the left hadn and the remote control on the right. But that didn’t matter. I liked what I was doing and I let myself be. (I’m not yet sure if I did the right thing.)

Back to Now

I immediately replied the unnamed message on my phone when I got up this morning. As always, “who u?” was the message. No answer so I decided to call. He picked up the phone and immediately the voice on the other line sounded familiar. I just couldn’t put my finger on who it was. I gave a couple of names and he said no. He kept mentioning he was Superman. I was thinking really hard when the line got cut. A few seconds after, it him who was calling. Then I finally figured it out. It was Cairo. Or Khalel.
So he is single. Somehow when I heard that I felt my heart jumped with excitement. Is this the chance I was once waiting for? No, I immediately composed myself. He didn’t like me the first time and he will never. We are going be friends, nothing more. I ended up convincing myself that he was going to be just part of my frustrations. Now I am convinced. I should stop hoping, maybe not only for Khalel.

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2010 - Wow! I can't believe this blog is already 4 years old! I would like to thank everyone has been so nice to me and my blog. I am really happy that there are people out there who can relate to my life.

January 24, 2010 - I met this guy online who inspired me to write/blog again. To Sal, thank you for the inspiration. I owe you one.

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I am a frustrated artist who finds refuge in bitterness and solitude. Angst is what I speak and love is what I hide. I never want to be seen naked for in nakedness there is truth and truth I am afraid of. Reality never seems to be fair, life in fact is iniquitous.


I like to put up a facade like a masked man in a party. I like to exude and air of mystery and fear. For in fear I earn respect and respect I treasure.

I like to play God once in a while, controlling the people who surround me. I love to twist emotions and bring out the insides.

I have found love but it left me suddenly for reasons until now I do not understand. He pierced right through everything that is me and left a broken arrow in my heart. But I let that happen because I loved him so sincerely. If there was a time I really loved someone, it would be that time. He rocked my world; sadly, he rocked me to my death.

 


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