26 May 2006

The Loves in my Love lives…

I noticed that recenly my posts pertains to my love life or more like the possibility of a love life, might as well then post about the men in my life. This is going to be in parts (I dunno how many though).

Ibs – Okay, I do not consider Ibs as an ex-boyfriend but I lived with him for almost 6 months. Imagine that. We met during my last year in college. He was an education major but he took journalism classes as well. That was the first time I saw him and I really thought he or rather she was a girl. She was so beautiful. She was wearing skirt, had long brown hair and had boobs (later on I found out they were just socks). His voice gave it away though but nonetheless I fell for him the first time I laid eyes on him. Our relationship (as friends) started while we were having a smoke just after class. (I made it sure I was noticed) He mentioned that he liked mature or older guys so I’d figured right there and then that I’d have no chance but my feeling towards him did not falter after he unconsciously turned me down. We got really close, in fact we went to a gay bar two days in a row. (Hot!) That was my first time and even the bartender thought he was a girl. He really was pretty. We had nightouts and I always stayed in his house after until I became a regular visitor and then he asked me to stay with him in his apartment since he had no company but his maid. Time went by and my feelings towards him changed. I resigned myself to the fact that we were going to be close friends, just friends. He new I was dating a lot of guys back then which I thought was okay since we are not “we.” It was too late when he confessed his love for me. Apparently, he too fell for me the first time he saw me in the classroom. But no matter how I try to revive the kind love I onced felt for him, I couldn’t. It just wasn’t there anymore. But I had to respect him and since we lived under one roof, dating guys came secretely. One night while we were at some bar in Katipunan (I forgot the name but I think it’s not there anymore) he asked me to agree with something. He called it our “exclusive dating contract” which would only end the first of April that year (2004). I loved him as a friend and I didn’t have the heart to hurt him (or anyone else for that matter) so I agreed. It meant that I did not date other guys but him. And I did not, just as promised. Came the deadline of the contract, he left me a letter just before he went to school. It stated I had two choices: either to leave the house or to stay. I gave it a long thought and I decided to go. I was hurting him enough (although I did not mean it) already. I packed my things and went home. Days after, my inbox in Friendster was full of his messages and also from his maid (who became my friend as well). But I had to stay firm. The love O have had for him already vanished and I could not lie to myself and to him.

The last time we talked he was taking up lay in Ateneo in Davao.

Marvin – The first ever boyfriend I had. I finally said yes during my graduation in college under the scorching heat of April 25 just behind Oblation’s behind (if you get my drift. Wahehehe) He was 26 then (if I remember it correctly) and I was 21. he was this really sexy guy I met at Friendzy.com (online community just like Friendster). We exhanged sappy but romantic notes and that made me feel super special. And the sex? Oh my, it was great (no fucking though). The first time we met, he brought me to his house and I met his grandma. His family didn’t know he was gay so we pretended we were working together. But whenever his grandma turned her back on us he would steal kisses from me. (Awww… I miss it.) He was the sweetest being and I loved him. One thing about him was that he didn’t like fat people nor did he like eating at foodcourts. Everytime we went out we always ate at Tokyo Tokyo (I hate sushi). He also loved to spend. And he spent a lot. Unfortunately after a week of not seeing each other, we broke up. This is not yet clear though whether who broke up with whom. He was having some problems he said he needed time for himself. I asked him if he was breaking up with me and he said he thought about it. Just like that, he left me hanging unto nothing. The relationship ended after almost three months.

The last time we met was Februray (I think) last year. I needed closure and I literally begged him to meet me up for coffee. And he agreed with the condition that I would pay for the coffee and we were to meet just before he goes to work. And we did. But I didn’t get the closure I wanted or thought I needed. In fact, I missed him even more. Stupid me!!! Closure my ass!
Last December, I received an message from him at Downelink.com. He said hi and I replied back. He left his numbers and being the stupid pathetic gay guy that I was/am, I bombarded him with text messages telling him how I missed him and how I loved him still. I only stopped texting him when he replied, ”Why don’t you go on dates?” Ouch! It was a hard slap on my face. He was getting rid of me like dirt on his toilet bowl. Probably that was when I kinda accepted the fact that he was never gonna love me back. The once “us” was already “me” and “him.” Much like the ad that goes “each sold separately.”

But I greeted him through Friendster just earlier this month for his birthday. Sigh…

more to come…

11 Comments:

  • more to come? ilan kaya... hmmm... padamihan!!!!

    By Blogger enzo, at 5:09 PM  

  • i still have about 8 more. hahaha...

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 5:11 PM  

  • hahaha!!! 8 more? as in 8 more serious men? where the hell do you find 8 serious men?

    By Blogger alex|hates, at 6:08 PM  

  • hahaha @ alex|hates. just wait for the next posts...

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 6:14 PM  

  • 8 more!

    Now that should be loooong...

    Haha.

    By Blogger Jhed, at 11:14 PM  

  • Gosh!!! My Brewdearie has gotten all nostalgic.. woow!! yan ang appeal!! long list eh?

    By Anonymous Devilicious, at 1:09 AM  

  • i can't wait for the next 8!! whee!! post post!! :D :D i'm loving this.

    By Blogger juice is justine, at 2:46 AM  

  • damn...lalakero!lol mamigay naman... ;p i crush you!lol

    By Blogger guitar_kidd, at 3:49 AM  

  • hei brew... tahnks for the comment... sarap nga ma-in love!!! mas nagiging makulay ang mundo ng tao kapag tumitibok kasabay nun ay ang pagdilim at pagluha ng kalangitan... may bagyo...

    By Blogger lucerodelara, at 9:29 AM  

  • whoa. 8 more. haha. i'll be tuning in for part two. :)

    By Blogger alikoy, at 12:33 PM  

  • jhed, i know... this is gonna be long... hmmm...

    devilicious, hi dearie. mwah! miss u na. havent talked to you for a while na. problem with the connexion at home. argh!

    justine, wahehehe... thanks for tuning in. nax!

    guitar_kid, i crush you too. here's a kiss for you. mwah! slurp!

    lucerodelara, no biggy abt the comment. oo nga, sarap mainluv. peo ur ryt then. after it is doom... or almost...

    btw, welcome to /iambrew

    alikoy, hahaha... ill make it good for you...

    btw, welcome to /iambrew as well...

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 1:54 PM  

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2010 - Wow! I can't believe this blog is already 4 years old! I would like to thank everyone has been so nice to me and my blog. I am really happy that there are people out there who can relate to my life.

January 24, 2010 - I met this guy online who inspired me to write/blog again. To Sal, thank you for the inspiration. I owe you one.

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I am a frustrated artist who finds refuge in bitterness and solitude. Angst is what I speak and love is what I hide. I never want to be seen naked for in nakedness there is truth and truth I am afraid of. Reality never seems to be fair, life in fact is iniquitous.


I like to put up a facade like a masked man in a party. I like to exude and air of mystery and fear. For in fear I earn respect and respect I treasure.

I like to play God once in a while, controlling the people who surround me. I love to twist emotions and bring out the insides.

I have found love but it left me suddenly for reasons until now I do not understand. He pierced right through everything that is me and left a broken arrow in my heart. But I let that happen because I loved him so sincerely. If there was a time I really loved someone, it would be that time. He rocked my world; sadly, he rocked me to my death.

 


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