28 May 2006

The Loves in my Love lives… III
[unedited]

Hmmm. I am here @ work already. My supervisor asked me yesterday to go to work and render a 2-hour overtime. I gladly said yes after seeing her really frantic about not knowing what to do anymore coz there are a lot of agents on day off right now plus the fact that three teams are on their summer outing in La Luz Batangas today. Yeah, they are having fun in the sun while the rest of us suffers here @ work. Oh well, life could be worse.

Anyways, I’m still 30 monites early so im writing my third post about The Loves of my Love Lives.

After what happened with Marvin and Jerome it took me a while to recover. I dated a lot of guys, had unprotected sex and wasted my semen with guys I didn’t even know. Yeah, sometimes I don’t get their names. And then I met Zeus. He was studying at FEU taking up Nursing when I met him @ Downelink.com. I was not expecting a lot from him, physically that is, coz his picture ain’t really that nice. He was my constant release during lonely and horny nights. Ove the phone of course. Thank God for SUN--because everything important is under the SUN.

The day we finally decide to meet, I went to FEU. Well not inside. I waited for him outside. He was good-looking and oozing with sex appeal. God, I wanted to fuck him right there and then. Haha…

The second time we met he was with his friend and professor drinking @ Yes (it’s a bar with billiards in Recto.) He was tipsy after so I decided to accompany him home and spend the night in their house in Bulacan. I was worried he’d not make it home with his state. We slept in separate beds that night because he was sharing the room with his brother but the next morning right after we went to church (my first btw that year) we finally had the chance to fuck. And we did. And I was not disappointed. He was a good fuck. And looking at it now, he was just that—a good fuck!

When I got home, I asked him if he really loved me coz I was beginning to fall for him. he was not replying so I gave him a deadline. Come midnight and I still haven’t received a text from him, I’ll never text him or meet him again. Around 11:45pm that day he finally texted and said we’re better off as friends. Ouch! I hated him! It was a 3-day affair. But I was hurt and I felt to ugly and so stupid and so lost.

But I knew I had to get up and face the world again so I erased his number (yes, I am bitter) and moved on swiftly. After all, 3days was short and could easily be replaced with lots of sex with other men. And that was what I did. I had sex every other day with different guys. The rule was: Not in bed with the same guy twice. And I lived up to that.

And then I met Ryan. He lives just a ride away from my house. It started out with regular phone calls and sweet text messages. Then we decided to finally meet one night. I went to his house and we talked about stuff. Then he asked “tayo na?” I wasn’t sure I was ready for another relationship and he seemed really nice and he was cute as well so I said yes. Ryan was the boy-next-door-too-good-to-true-and-without-any-flaws type. I loved his eyes the most and his lips. Plus he kissed really good. So I spent the night there and obviously we had sex. And there I found his flaws. I am not telling what it is though.

After than one-night rendezvous, I never met him again. We are friends now. Apparently he was friends with some guys I am friends with. And we became a part of one barkada. We drink a lot by the way and we’re not bitter about what happened between us though the barkada knows about us. It was a happy ending this time.

Gelo. I was invited to join a clan which was named Cubicle for Men (C4M). It’s a group of gay guys (most of which pretends they’re bi-sexual for marketability reasons). This was where I met Gelo. He’s almost as tall as me which was a plus, he was a singer which was perfect and he did not have a hint of gayness which was a plus plus. And was well endowed. Hahaha. The first few weeks were great. He would always spend the night at home everytime he was in Manila since he’s from Laguna and he would always leave these really sweet notes. Our relationship was we call whirlwind affair. After just 3 days form the day we met, we were lovers. (Not that it was new to me anyway.) So the notes would always say something himself. I find that really sweet. It’s those little things he did that made me love him so much.

But that changed the day (or night) I met Ryan. I fell head over heels for him. But Gelo and I were still together. After a lot of thought and considerations, I finally unplugged what Gelo and I had. I broke up with him to make way for Ryan. I know what you are thinking. I am an asshole. I admit it. I am. But I also am a guy who just loves. Petty reason I know. Hmmm…

Before I actually met Ryan, I had a friend meet him for a date. Now this friend of mine was really sweet he brought a bunch of roses for Ryan the first time they met and would always visit Ryan at work. Hayyy. Ain’t that just cute?

Our relationship was really nice at first. He would always pick me up from work, then we’d eat at Tapa King (his fave was Tapa Queen and I think eating there was expensive) and then we’d have sex at his house. I would always see him during my days off or drop by his work just before I go to work. It was really going smoothly. We just had one huge fight one time. He was asking me to have sex with him but I wasn’t in the mood and he was being so makulit and that kinda irritated me so got out of his house and went home which made him really mad. The next night, he picked me up and we drove around their subdivision. He suddenly said, “Ayoko na. Let’s break up.’ Tears fell from eyes and all I could say was, “Okay. I am really sorry for what happened. I’ll get off her and find my way out. Thanks.” Then he let out a big smile and said, “I was joking. But I didn’t like what you did. Pinababalik kita but you didn’t. you even turned off your phone.” Then I cried harder. In that moment, I realized how much I really love him and how much it hurts to lose him.

We were okay after that and made it to our first month. Since I had work that night (graveyard shift) I met him and his friends at Starbucks Eastwood for coffee just before work. We also ate at Dencio’s. Of course his friends didn’t know we were together so he introduced me as a friend which I had no problem about. It’s totally understandable. While we were having coffee at Starbucks and his friends were away, he told me, “Maw, gusto ko ng kabit.” (Maw-short for meow. He knew I love cats so that what we call each other) Obviously he was making me jealous. One thing he hates about me was I was not the jealous type. He was and he wanted me to be the same. So I said to him, “Sige, refer kita sa mga friends ko.” And I did which was a big mistake because days after he was already dating my friend.

He said it was just a friendly meeting for coffee. Friendly my ass! Friendly coffee in the wee hours of the morning? After three night that he didn’t picked me up from work because he was with my friend I finally asked him the question, “Mahal mo ba siya?” And guess what he said? ‘Ewan ko nga eh…” And as I was reading that text message I felt my world crumble down. I knew I had to make a decision. I knew I had to make him choose. But he didn’t choose. He left me hanging. That was when I finally decided that it was over.

Ryan was the first relationship (after my first bf-Marvin) I did not cheat on. During this time I promise myself to be monogamous. I pulled it off. I did not have sex with any other guy but him and it hurt like hell knowing he was being fucked by my friend. But I loved him so I gave him another chance… And another chance… And another chance… The third time I finally decided it was OVER. PERIOD. TAMA NA!

The last time I heard, he has a new bf now and he’s happy. Good for him. I hate him.

39 Comments:

  • yea boy,,! im the first one to comment,,! hehehe...

    as you said before.. about the "butt-sex" thing.. i have another question..

    does it hurt,,? im just really really curious.. hehehe thanks,,! im looking forward for more of your posts...

    By Blogger Carl, at 2:49 PM  

  • wow, it's so cool that you remember details of all your relationships or psuedo relationships or whatever you want to call it.

    then again, i chose to exercise my right to selective memory ;)

    By Blogger ira, at 3:19 PM  

  • On Zeus. OK... so, he's one of those who do not want a commitment. One thing that I can't understand amongst the gay men. But I can't really be sure on why he 'downed' you. Maybe because, he's just after casual sex -- which is -- brew, dont get me wrong -- am not a fan of.

    On Ryan. Haha! Tell me! What's his flaw(s)??? Is it his penis? Hehe... Or is he not good at wiggling his worm?

    On Gelo. well endowed huh? So what happen to him?

    On Ryan. I think you over reacted on him. And he over reacted on you. Which turns things to be overly reacting.

    And what is the deal of him telling you to have a third-party? I mean... yeah you're a gya couple but that doesnt give him a ticket to be like that.

    On You. I think the problem with you bre is that you easily fall in love which results to alot of hurt along the way. But reading the last part of your post... it seems like you've getting some lessons right. And that is good.

    and oh... Brewie... condomless fuck is very risky.

    Dami mong lalaki!

    By Blogger Rob a.k.a Bim, at 3:22 PM  

  • 'langya ka 'brew'.. haha, didnt know you were this active, this is a surprise to me.. haha..

    By Anonymous babbler, at 3:34 PM  

  • @carl, congrats! u were the first to leave a comment. wahehehe...

    re buttfuck: yeah i think so. someone once attempted to fuck me and it hurt so much i actually kicked him. i dun wanna be fucked but i fuck good. hahaha...

    @rob,

    on Zeus - i kinda agree with you. but it's ok now. ive moved on so far away from him...

    on Ryan - im still not telling...

    on Gelo - he was. i dunno where he is now though. :þ

    on Ryan - i totally agree. such a jerk. but i love him still.

    on Me - ur right. i easily fall inluv. hayyy... but im working on that. and yes, unprotected sex is risky... but fun... dun worry, i always have condom in my wallet... just in case...

    Dami mong lalaki! - i know. hayyy...

    @carl, wehehehe... oh well, ano magagawa ko... ehem hem... jewk!

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 3:43 PM  

  • and oh @ira, thanks for the comment. yeah most of the good and sad stuff i remember... wahehehe... still one guy missing... hmmm...

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 3:44 PM  

  • brew brew! kilala ko si zeuS! tiga bulacan nga, at dati ka-schoolmate ko yan.

    ayun. share lang.

    ang sasaklap pala ng inabot mo pagdating sa lablayp.ouch. di ko alam kung ano dapat kong sabihin, pero one day - makukuha mo rin yung guy na perfect sayo.

    ayos! HEHE. yun lang.

    By Blogger utakgago, at 4:03 PM  

  • check out my work...

    sorry kung medyo presumptious ako na i could just ask help from you...

    anyway...

    thanks na lang...

    wala din ako ibang aceess sa computer... we could go to an internet shop... but other than that wala eh...

    By Blogger disbloggerread, at 4:17 PM  

  • @kevin - hahaha. kilala mo ba siya? shhhh... silencio lang ha!

    thanks for the good words...

    disbloggerread - ok lang yun lexan. para naman tong timang and besides, i luv doing templates...

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 4:22 PM  

  • you have my number...

    so just give me a call...

    By Blogger disbloggerread, at 4:50 PM  

  • by the way...

    how could you reach some's else hand if your hand is still full of the past...

    how could you hear someone else call your name when you are still deaf from the moans of before...

    how could see someone else when your eyes are still blinded from the tears of yesterday...

    :)

    how...?

    just asking...

    good plot for a story don't you think...

    By Blogger disbloggerread, at 4:53 PM  

  • lexan yeah nice plot for a story... do u have a story like that? wahehehe...

    and yes i got ur number (if i can find it sumwer) :þ

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 4:55 PM  

  • brew!!! this is too much! i feel like you're spilling expensive, vintage perfume all over the place! hahaha!!! men will always be polygamous. even gay men. i think we (as in tayo lahat!) have proved that already. but do try to have safe sex. always. it's risky not doing so.

    but I love your gutts for spilling out your love (and sex)life with us.

    By Blogger alex|hates, at 6:13 PM  

  • @ alex|hates as much as possible i try to be monogamous when i am in a relationship. peo pag single go lang ng go. wahehehe...

    thanks for the advice and the comment. mwah!

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 6:23 PM  

  • hahaha. naaaliw ako sa istorya mo. ang saya saya maging bitter! hehehe

    By Blogger juicypapaya, at 7:57 PM  

  • juicypapaya, natutuwa talaga ako sa nick mo juicypapaya. waheehe.... sayang, di ako kumakain ng papaya. :þ

    and yes, masaya maging bitter.

    btw, kamukha mo yung friend ko na si Rocky. wala lang. pareho kaung cute!

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 8:04 PM  

  • Good for him. I hate him.

    Damn I like that! Hahah well said Brew. From all of these guys I think my fave is Ryan. I have a thing with Ryans. Not that my crush is named Ryan (he's not). Haha..

    But even with that relationship I could see that beneath the fucking there was so much more than that. I don't know, reading that you were crying kinda made me feel like crying as well. LOL.

    But anyway, I think it's good for you to be monogamous. Sex isn't really the answer to all questions. Except horniness that is.

    Good luck Brew, hope you find "HIM"..

    MWaaaaah.

    By Blogger juice is justine, at 8:41 PM  

  • I'm speechless. Hehe, I had fun reading your entry. Onga ang bilis mong ma-fall basta cute. Nyahaha. Basta ingat lang parati, wear that protective head gear. :>

    By Anonymous skwayred, at 8:46 PM  

  • @ JUSTINE. Thanks a lot for the comment. So you like Ryan? Wahehehe... Oh well, I liked him too... loved him in fact...

    @ SKYWARD. wahehehe... were u shocked? sorry about that. yeah mabilis ako ma-fall.

    and will be using that protective gear always. no worries. wahehehe...

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 8:57 PM  

  • Di ka naman masyadong mahilig sa Ryan ha! Hehe.

    So, nagtira ka pa ng isa... special ba siya kaya dedicated sa kanya ang isang buong post?

    (Or baka di lang ako marunong magbilang! Haha!)

    Malay mo, yung 11th pala ang "right" guy for you! ;)

    I have a question, do you believe that gay relationships doesn't last?

    By Blogger Jhed, at 9:38 PM  

  • Well, gay relationships do last but sometimes, when they reached their 4th or 5th year or beyond that, they are open to possibilities already. They have extra affairs outside their relationship but of course, the other partner doesn't investigate. But by the end of the day, they have each other. I have known a lot with that kind of set-up. And all of them are on their 5th and up in relationship. Sad but true.

    Hey iambrew... we are similar in this aspect. Having shag one after the other. But I am done with it. ;-)

    By Blogger Paul, at 9:50 PM  

  • @ jhed. yeah special yung sa last. wahehehe... ill post tom or tuesday kung may time ako.

    re gay relationships: i dunno really. di nga ako makalampas ng 3 months eh. wahehehe...

    @ paul. really? after 4-5 years. hmmm. i cud only wish my relationship (if ever) would reach a year. *sigh

    yeah, im on my way to moving on from shagging one guy after the other. it's like smoking... it is sooo hard to quit!

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 10:03 PM  

  • Man, I really enjoyed reading your entries. Like I've said, it's been a year since I last read an entry of yours. Naalala ko pa yung 2 Marvins. (I think so). Your blog was the first gay/bi blog I've read and I was so hooked to it (still am). It made me more open minded about things. It also made me realize how incredibly boring my life is. :-) Kudos to you. :-)

    By Anonymous Mel, at 11:33 PM  

  • wow! thanks MEL. i am glad ive helped be more open-minded. mwah!

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 11:38 PM  

  • hey hey. dami mu lalake brew! heheh. always wear protection ha!! and always remember na water based lubricants lng dpat! hihi. ok ang yan tol. bsta enjoy life. wag na maging bitter. okidoki!:)

    By Blogger von, at 1:03 AM  

  • Hey, thanks for passing by my blog. I so enjoyed reading this post. you're like a long lost character in Sex in the City. Similar to Samantha. lol! I mean that as a compliment. :) you're very out spoken and you're your own person. Very rarely do i meet people like you! Hope to hear from your MORE!:)

    By Blogger Jigs, at 2:33 AM  

  • wow makulay dito

    www.turismoboi.blogspot.com

    By Blogger turismoboi, at 4:52 AM  

  • oh yeah, im still waiting for the story of that one guy that "holds your heart".

    :D

    By Blogger ira, at 5:02 AM  

  • i was about to post a comment but i got distracted by a few cute visitors in your comment box...

    so next time nalang, gonna check their profiles muna

    ;-)

    mwahs!

    By Blogger Bryan Anthony the First, at 11:56 AM  

  • What a blog brewer!!!!
    I love the way you post. Sana I can do the same sa blog ko. Bago lang kasi ako on this blogging things....
    Anyway, I share the same experiences as you, short lived relationships ganun, and know what I hate it. Sometimes may dumarating pero di mo gusto. Meron namang gusto mo, ayaw sayo. Siguro that's lovelife. You have to find the needle in a haystack. Ang masama bka walang needle dun, hehehe. Keep on posting.......

    my blog: www.fawkscan.blogspot.com

    By Blogger Bryan Christian Lacsamana, at 12:56 PM  

  • hi brew! so andito na pala si part III. haha, pansin ko lang may affinity ka ba for Ryans and Marvins? =P

    i'll wait for the last one. ang juicy ng series na ito eh. haha.

    sometimes princes turn out to be total frogs talaga. good luck in your quest for a real prince! :)

    By Blogger alikoy, at 2:27 PM  

  • link exchange?

    By Blogger allan, at 3:26 PM  

  • read the lines carefully...

    get the meaning...

    by the way... don't say things you don't mean... it's cruel...

    By Blogger disbloggerread, at 3:47 PM  

  • woohoo daming fans ni brew!

    but i'm number one! hahaha loves yah.

    By Blogger juice is justine, at 4:05 PM  

  • I love being with gay people...not in a sexual way...but because generally gay people have the most outstanding girlfriends for company. LOL!

    Keep it up brew!

    By Blogger AliverMD, at 5:28 PM  

  • OMG! You have such a colourful lovelife my dear. But I hope you can find the true love that you really deserve. Cheers!

    By Blogger Chas Ravndal, at 6:16 PM  

  • Just read your most recent blog post...I think I'm beginning to like you, Brew. You are just so vibrant and unpretentious. One thing that I've noticed in gay relationships is that it is, more often than not, volatile. I don't know why. I know guys who were together for almost 3 stormy years...stormy because the relationship is peppered with infidelities and stuff. I don't know why. A friend of mine told me it's not really different from a heterosexual relationship. It just gets overemphasized. What do you say?

    By Blogger Tess Termulo, at 12:54 AM  

  • wow overwhelming ang comments. i wish i could tell stories of my past relationships as a bi medyo similar yung iba sayo.
    ang haba ng story pero i find it nakakaaliw. your relationship is as colorful as your blog. hehehe!

    By Blogger Earth, at 12:03 PM  

  • whoow! been away for just ONE day and im flooded with comments already! thanks a bunch guys!
    ------

    @von - oo nga eh. mas madami pa jan if i included all the flings i had. the thing is, i dun remember their names. hihi. tnx sa advice. i try not to be bitter peo during lonely nights when u desperately need a hug i tend to wish stuff... then cry...

    @jigs - wow! so i'm like samantha in Sex and the City? i do get that a lot but i havent watched the show but since u said that as a compliment, i'd say THANKS! and yes, you'll definitely hear from me more.

    @turismoboi - makulay ba? baguhin mo rin template mo. peo ur stories are good din naman eh. wahehehe. i enjoyed reading them as well.

    @bryan anthony the first - haha. oo nga dami cute dito sa comment box ko. i totally understand. you do ur stuff man!

    @ira - haha. ill be posting that story today. hmmm...

    @bryan christian lacsamana - hey thanks. yeah shortlived lahat... hayyy. i love what u said about the needle in the haystack (or lack thereof) but sumday we'll both find our needles. sana lang soon. ill def keep on posting...

    @alikoy - actually i thought about that. hahaha... TWO Ryan's and Marvin's. hahaha... :þ i know, sumtimes princes turn out to be total frogs... peo i heard once na U really have to kiss a few frogs to find the prince... i hope i find mine soon... i hate kissing frogs na. wahehehe...

    @agc_dlsu - hmmm. im guessing ur from lasalle. hahaha... sure we cane xchange links. am gonna link u right up! thanks for the visit.

    @disbloggerread - what do u mean? i dun get it? are u mad at me? why do u say i am cruel? hmmm... sorry if that's what u feel...

    @justine - i know. number ONE ka talaga. thanks gurl! i really appreciate it! love you too.

    @alivermd - hahaha. yeah ur right. we indeed have the most outstanding gurlfriends for company (and sometimes for sex... wahahahaha)

    @chas ravnda - thanks. i hope i can find my true love too. SOON pls!

    @tess termulo - haha. thanks. gonna visit u later... i think ut friend is correct, gay relationships are pretty much the same as those of hetero but gays tend to have more issues with fidelity. i dunno. hahaha...

    @earth - thanks... why dun you write about ur won. i dun see any problem with that. unless of course ur parents read ur blog. wahehehe... thanks for the visit dre!

    -------
    I LOVE YOU GUYS! THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS! HOPE TO SEE U AGAIN HERE!!!

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 1:13 PM  

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Location: Quezon City, Philippines

2010 - Wow! I can't believe this blog is already 4 years old! I would like to thank everyone has been so nice to me and my blog. I am really happy that there are people out there who can relate to my life.

January 24, 2010 - I met this guy online who inspired me to write/blog again. To Sal, thank you for the inspiration. I owe you one.

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I am a frustrated artist who finds refuge in bitterness and solitude. Angst is what I speak and love is what I hide. I never want to be seen naked for in nakedness there is truth and truth I am afraid of. Reality never seems to be fair, life in fact is iniquitous.


I like to put up a facade like a masked man in a party. I like to exude and air of mystery and fear. For in fear I earn respect and respect I treasure.

I like to play God once in a while, controlling the people who surround me. I love to twist emotions and bring out the insides.

I have found love but it left me suddenly for reasons until now I do not understand. He pierced right through everything that is me and left a broken arrow in my heart. But I let that happen because I loved him so sincerely. If there was a time I really loved someone, it would be that time. He rocked my world; sadly, he rocked me to my death.

 


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