30 May 2006

The Loves of my Love Lives
The Last Installment

After one day of absence, I am back to blogging and working! Argh! Anwyays, watched XMEN III yesterday at Eastwood Mall. I liked the movie and Archangel was so freakin’ fuckable. Too bad he didn’t have too many exposures. I read from one of the blogs which said he looked so gay. Hahaha…I soo agree… I could only wish that he’d fly here and take me away to heaven. Poof! Pop goes my imaginary bubble!

So here’s the last installment of The Loves of my Love Lives… I know you’ve been waiting for this…

I remember the first time we met. Robbie was Ryan’s (my ex) “take out” for that night. Miguel, Ryan and me had a dare. Whoever meets the guy with the largest dick, wins. Miguel and I didn’t bring any. Ryan had Robbie who was with his best friend. We stayed at Miguel’s abandoned house in Project 6 (he moved). We were with a couple more friends.

The dare it seemed was then impossible to fulfill. We were just too many and Robbie was the sure winner. According to Ryan, Robbie had a huge dick. He saw it once while Robbie was showing off in his cam for every meat lovers to see. Ryan was one of them I suppose.

We started the night with a bottle of Emperador. We gathered on the floor and started a game—truth or dare. Robbie was asked whom he liked in the group. He pointed at me. That time the feeling was already mutual. When it was my turn I readily pointed at him. He was then asked to kiss the guy he liked. Again it was I. I also kissed him. He asked questions like Are you top or bottom, Are you in a relationship and the likes. The next thing I knew we were sitting together, kissing each other like there was no tomorrow. I like the way he kisses. He will kiss you ever so lightly and then gently wipe your lips with his thumb. I find that very romantic. And that was the first time I experienced something like that. Right there and then I knew I was going to be in love. And I was. I still am.

Our first date was the sweetest. I waited for him at Starbucks Araneta when he showed up with two boxes of Ferrero’s. I asked him how he knew they were my fave’s and he said he did some research. Ain’t that just sweet? After the coffee, we watched Corpse Bride at Gateway while our hands were locked to each other and his head upon my shoulder.

The Love of my Life...

The first time we ever had sex was on my room. He licked me all over literally and I licked him too. He sucked me and I sucked him. And then I tried to fuck him but he couldn’t take the pain. It was going to be his first, and so he said. I tried it again gently but seeing his face, I realized how painful it was for him. I stopped. My libido went six-feet under. He was my angel. He is my angel. And I didn’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to hurt him. He said sorry and I understood. He promised next time it was going to be different. And yes it was. I fucked him twice, thrice and it was wonderful. It’s not really a matter or fulfilling your carnal desires by fucking somebody. It is that wonderful feeling, the moment when you share your body with someone you actually love that makes the difference. I felt that with Robbie.

The first month was heaven. The second was earth. The third was painful.

I would be so hypocrite if I said I don’t love him anymore. I still do just the same as the first time we met. The sad and excruciating thing is facing the fact that he doesn’t feel the same way anymore. It’s the thought of probabilities that makes it hard to move on.

The last time we met was when I invited him to Puerto Galera (all expense paid) in hopes of getting back together. Unfortunately the most that I got was a blowjob. Huhuhu…


  • That's life brew.
    Always remember one thing," If we lose something, we lose it for a reason.That reason might hard to understand, but whatever it is, we just have to believe that GOD takes away when HE has something better to give. "In Hoc Signo Vinces." By this sign, conquer.

    Link me brew!!!!!

    By Blogger Bryan Christian Lacsamana, at 2:30 PM  

  • footah,,! naunahan ako,,! anyway, here visit this site. "http://miong21.cjb.net" i researched it just for you. haha.

    you will find gay guy's guide to love ata yun, im not so sure though, pero give it a try. I hope it'll help,,!

    By Blogger Carl, at 3:09 PM  

  • @ bryan christian lacsamana. hey dre, thanks for those kind words. appreciated. mwah!

    will link u up... :þ

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 3:09 PM  

  • @ carl. hahaha. oo nga naunahan ka this time... will check the link. thanks so much. sweet mo naman po.

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 3:11 PM  

  • no biggy,,! ^_____________________^

    By Blogger Carl, at 3:14 PM  

  • Talagang special siya.

    Hindi dahil gifted siya, kundi dahil talagang minahal mo siya. Di ba? Sayang, hindi kayo nag-last.

    Anyway, good luck sa future relationships mo. Ingats ka palage!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:16 PM  

  • @ Carl. u are the best. mwah! thanks ulit...

    @ Jhed. yeah he is special. minahal ko siya ng totoo. i never cheated on him. and yes, sayang di kami nglast... it was me who broke up with him btw...

    thanks. gud luck din po sayo dre!

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 3:30 PM  

  • hahaha. Naunahan kita @carl.
    Keep rocking brew!!!!!!!!!!

    By Blogger Bryan Christian Lacsamana, at 3:49 PM  

  • hay... young love...

    but then again we wont be young forever so might as well live through it.

    all the love in the world for you brew!

    By Blogger Bryan Anthony the First, at 3:55 PM  

  • :)

    check my blog...

    been working on it...

    don't worry...

    i am not taking it against you...

    By Blogger disbloggerread, at 4:06 PM  

  • whew! your posts get steamier everyday!

    wala na kong masabi... natatamad akong mag type na mahaba ngayon... hehe. anyways. basta goodluck sa mga incoming relationship(s). <<--note the 's'. :P


    missed you brewie!

    By Blogger Rob a.k.a Bim, at 4:06 PM  

  • @ bryan christian lacsamana. -- hahaha. unahan talaga? thanks ha!

    @ bryan anthony the first. -- young love? 20+ na ako eh. young pa ba yun? wahehehe...thanks bryan... mwah!

    @ lexn. -- i checked it na. left a comment too.

    @ rob. -- stemier everyday? grabe, the pressure... hmmm better make my posts better na from now on! thanks for the luck. kaw din and i miss you to rob. mwah!

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 4:22 PM  

  • can't decide which story is the most tragic. but don't worry brew, you'll find your prince. :) if only there was some way to know who among the frogs is really a prince...

    i heart you!

    By Blogger alikoy, at 4:59 PM  

  • @ alikoy. i hope so too... hayyy. peo right now okay na ako admiring princes around... wahehehe...

    i heart you too...

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 5:03 PM  

  • -- young love? 20+ na ako eh. young pa ba yun? wahehehe...thanks bryan... mwah!


    ang taray, walang explanation, pero yes. i'll blog about it someday.


    By Blogger Bryan Anthony the First, at 6:14 PM  

  • @ bryan anthony the first. oo nga wala man lang explanation. hmpf!

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 7:03 PM  

  • dyusko move on brew!

    ikaw halos mabaliw kakaisip sa knya eh sya iba iniisip ka

    un ang isipin mo

    kya pag ganyn dedma na dpat

    mag mall of asia pwamis gawnda dun


    By Blogger turismoboi, at 7:51 PM  

  • @ turismoboi. wish it was as easy as that. i still feel sumtin for him. hanap mo nga ako ng kadate... yung cute ha! wahehehe...

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 7:57 PM  

  • i've always said this to my gay friends... in that kind of relationship nothing lasts... wait a minute.. nothing lasts in everything. and the only costant thing in this world is change.

    By Blogger LyZa, at 8:19 PM  

  • being on this blog makes me feel the pressure cooker situation... i'll pop if i hold it back.. its freakin hot! hahaha!!!

    thanks for the comment brew!:D

    By Blogger lucerodelara, at 8:24 PM  

  • @lyza - i agree but at least it could be worthwhile a lot less painful... huhuhu...

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 8:24 PM  

  • @ lucedorodelara - hahaha... is this blog that hot? thanks for the comment too.

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 8:25 PM  

  • @Bryan Christian Lacsamana-hahaha,,! you want to be my competition,,? sure,,! let's see who will win next time,,! *grins evilly*. be ready to be beaten by a 14 year old kid,,!

    By Blogger Carl, at 8:41 PM  

  • @ carl - i smell blood. wahehehe... nag-aaway ba kayo ni christian lacsamana? bat di na lang kayo magmahalan? ehemmm...


    By Blogger /iambrew, at 8:52 PM  

  • "It’s weird but I woke up feeling good today. Although there are the usual headaches and bad tummy but besides that the feeling is just fine. I am even early here at work.

    There is one stupid thing I did though when I went home earlier from Meatshop. I passed by 7-11 to buy me a Php115 Smart load. I left the store without the notification and until now I haven’t received any (still hoping it’ll come). Now I think I gave them the wrong number. Lucky bastard! He got a free load from the gorgeous ME. Hahaha… (assuming of course the owner of the number is a guy) It’s aight. I got my phone loaded before I went to work. I also called RJ because he had been texting me and I haven’t been able to reply lately. And since I can’t seem to send out text messages (stupid network! I’m going back to SUN---because everything important is under the sun), I called him. I said hi and the conversation went long and my minutes were like running out. He called me baby btw. Hahaha. I think he likes me. Well I like what he posts in his blog. He asked me to make him a template. Another item in my-to-do list. I dunno though if I can. Homer also wanted me to do the same thing. Well with the work and all."

    i'm cool... you cool?

    By Blogger disbloggerread, at 9:11 PM  

  • where are you?

    By Blogger disbloggerread, at 10:03 PM  

  • i can't believe i wasn't the first one to comment! and the time u posted this was the time i went to the bathroom to take a bath and get ready to go ou! argghuuuhdhdhd.

    anyhoo brew, i was reading your post while listening to liz phair's why can't i. isnt' that just the purrrfect song? ok. not funny.

    It’s not really a matter or fulfilling your carnal desires by fucking somebody. It is that wonderful feeling, the moment when you share your body with someone you actually love that makes the difference. I felt that with Robbie.

    fuck that's so true. fuckish.

    mwaaaaaah with all my might. i'm sure you'll get through this, whatever you're feeling right now, something better will replace it. i know it's a cliche if i say you gotta wait, so i'm just gonna say anticipate, it's gonna cum..umm COME. hehehe :) millions of hugs and kisses.

    gosh i wish you were my bestgayfriend. hahaha..
    this comment is turning into a long one :p

    By Blogger juice is justine, at 10:39 PM  

  • whew! grabe, dami ng masugid mong tagabasa ha? lol.

    wala akong ma-advice. sorry, medyo marami pa kasi akong di alam sa buhay. pero let me ask you something, are you thinking of settling down if just one guy?

    medyo napakacomplicated kasi ng situation mo. anyway, wish you all the best, bro.


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:22 PM  

  • hay kakalungkot naman. naramdaman ko yung pain mo brew. galing ng pagkakasulat.

    By Blogger *eLLe*, at 11:40 PM  

  • @ disbloggerread - im at work. be out mayang midnight...

    @ justine - hahaha. oo nga di ikaw ang unang comment ko ngayon peo okay lang. mahal pa rin naman kita eh. wahehehe... thanks for all the advices ha. i really love 'em and appreciate them. para kitang lil sister. wahehehe...

    @ marc - i want to settle with just ONE guy but it seems everytime i try to bad things happen. i just wish it were that simple. but the fact is, its not. hayyy... thanks for the advice though.

    @ elle - thanks po. i only write how i feel. huhu... ang sad...

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 11:54 PM  

  • wheee.. i have a big brotha from anotha mothah!


    p.s i edited my latest post.

    By Blogger juice is justine, at 12:01 AM  

  • I envy you. As much as I want to talk about the lessons I've learned from my past loves, I wouldn't be able to. Might scandalize some people. Maybe time will come when I'll be able to talk publicly about it.

    By Blogger Tess Termulo, at 12:12 AM  

  • You really wear your heart on your sleeve. And this one's just so raw.

    May you find the one.. Good luck. :)

    By Blogger jae, at 1:17 AM  

  • wow, grabe dami na! Scary ang fan base mo ah! Another sad but entertaining blog.

    TRUTH is in itself POETRY...

    I salute you for this revealing "poem"

    By Blogger Jigs, at 5:21 AM  

  • Hahaha @ carl.Im not into that thing.Keep calm dude. Remember, "a raging sea is an empty sea."
    Link me @carl.
    @brew tama ka, magmahalan na lng dapat kami, hehehehe

    By Blogger Bryan Christian Lacsamana, at 8:21 AM  

  • wow!!!! kakatuwa~~ hehhee... sana may next episode pa~

    gnyan tlga ang life... tsk..

    marami pa jan~~


    By Blogger chinoybrat, at 11:59 AM  

  • ey how did you get to my blog la lang :]

    buti ka pa napanood mo na yung XMEN di bale mapapanood ko rin yun (pirated hehehe)

    gosh that was a little rough, you know the kissing and the dare. kakatuwa hehehe

    By Anonymous boris, at 12:08 PM  

  • ~wait am i lost? is this the Forums section of blogger? or is this a chat room? coz every one seem to converge here...~

    brew thanks for dropping by. my site is not a blog i am writing a story no plot yet hehe. my blog is at my links.
    i cant write my bi-stories for alot reasons.
    its like im reading a porn mag, hawtness! may impact! hehe!
    questions (just curious):
    1.taken from your experiences, is it true same sex love is volatile?
    2.do you treat your relationships as serious?
    3.were you happy with all your past relationships?
    dami noh hehehe! i hope you find what you are looking for that is someone wholl truly love you not for how good you fuck but for who you really are. :D

    By Blogger Earth, at 1:00 PM  

  • Medyo R-18 pala post mo, but na lang legal age na ako. Para maiba naman and comment... crush ko rin si Archangel! So, totoo pala na mahilig ako sa mukhang bakla (at least guwapo naman). :)

    By Blogger ~*galenlondeien*~, at 1:08 PM  

  • @ justine - are u serious? hmmm... woot! (nakikigaya) wahehehe...

    @ tess termulo - dun envy me. im just a regular gay guy who tries to find true love in this crazy and cruel world.

    @ tess termulo - yeah i do wear my heart on my sleeve. raw? hahaha. is that what u think about it? funny. wahehehe... thanks po. ill take that as a compliment...

    @ jigs - bakit naman scary? and they are not my fans but my friends (*winks). di naman ako celebrity to have a fan base noh! or am i? nahhh... thanks dre. poetry huh? wow, i never thought about it that way. *salutes you too...

    @ bryan christian lacsamana - hahaha. correct ka jan. magmahalan na lang kayo ni carl. hmmm... ehemmm... boto ako sa inyo if ever... ring bearer ako ha! :þ

    @ chinoybrat - i hope the next episode won't be sad na. hayyy... i agree, ganito talaga life. marami pa jan~~ --huh? saan?

    @ boris - di ko sure how i got to ur blog. hilig ako mag bloghop eh going to links of my friends and stuff. hey, want some spoilers sa XMEN III? wahehehe... the kissing and the dare was nice and exciting!

    @ earth - hahaha... chatroom huh? grabe di ko nga din akalain na people would converge here but i am happy. very happy...

    no biggy with me dropping by ur blog.

    and to answer ur questions:
    (1) i kinda agree that same sex relationships are most of the time volatile. but i would also say that it really depends on the maturity of the lovers. dapat both know for themselves what they really want and if they want to finally settle or not. this way, hearts would be spared from hurt and guilt and all that ugly stuff.

    (2) i treated my first and my past two relationships seriously. promise.

    (3) i could say i am happy i met these guys. they basically molded who and what i am right now, in terms of having relationships. it's a learning experience and i dun regret (not a bit) that i met them.

    thanks for the comment dre! hope to see u again here. will visit ur blog later... ill post sumtin first. :þ

    @ ~*galenlondeien - cute nung nick mo. wahehehe... crush ko rin si Archangel. naku dear becareful baka maloko ka ng mga bading... wahehehe... nice to see u here pala. thanks for dropping by. and yes i agree, gay guys are just so yummy... amp!

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 1:47 PM  

  • sad ending... tsk tsk tsk... don't worry... there are lots of fishes in the sea...

    By Blogger allan, at 6:33 PM  

  • @ agc_dlsu - thanks dre! mwah! malay mo ikaw yun. wahehehe...

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 11:51 PM  

  • ewan kung bakt, pero tumugtog yung white flag ni dido sa isip ko...

    you know the song??

    By Anonymous janpol, at 1:59 PM  

  • @ janpol - no. di ko alam yun eh. wahehehe...

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 3:53 PM  

  • Yeah, I did mean that as a compliment, Brew :-)

    By Blogger Tess Termulo, at 11:35 PM  

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2010 - Wow! I can't believe this blog is already 4 years old! I would like to thank everyone has been so nice to me and my blog. I am really happy that there are people out there who can relate to my life.

January 24, 2010 - I met this guy online who inspired me to write/blog again. To Sal, thank you for the inspiration. I owe you one.

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I am a frustrated artist who finds refuge in bitterness and solitude. Angst is what I speak and love is what I hide. I never want to be seen naked for in nakedness there is truth and truth I am afraid of. Reality never seems to be fair, life in fact is iniquitous.

I like to put up a facade like a masked man in a party. I like to exude and air of mystery and fear. For in fear I earn respect and respect I treasure.

I like to play God once in a while, controlling the people who surround me. I love to twist emotions and bring out the insides.

I have found love but it left me suddenly for reasons until now I do not understand. He pierced right through everything that is me and left a broken arrow in my heart. But I let that happen because I loved him so sincerely. If there was a time I really loved someone, it would be that time. He rocked my world; sadly, he rocked me to my death.


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