10 May 2006

Undoubtedly Gay

What do I want with my life?
Honestly I do not know. As much as I like to have a concrete answer, I do not. All I know is I want everything to be better. I want my to be satisfied, to feel how it is to be truly fulfilled. I want everything to be less complex, to be less difficult.

I want guys drooling over me. I want cute guys calling me everytime. I want them to kneel and beg for my attention. But then again, I know that is not possible. That will never be possible. I kinda accepted that as a fact of what I call “my life.”

If I were straight, what would I be doing now?
Hmm.. Tough question. Being gay has been my way of life for too long that I don’t have an idea what it is to be straight. I don’t want to be straight. I don’t want to be limited. I don’t want to be boxed into something. I want to be flexible. I want to be able to do everything I want or wish without qualms or hesitations.

Power. I want power. And with power comes great responsibility. Chos! (I love spiderman.)

Am I happy?
Generally, yes. I am happy. Or I try to be happy. Most of the time my friends keep me occupied to think of sadness. But when they are away, I go into this maelstrom of sad thoughts and biiterness. Of Robbie and the rest of my shorlived affairs I called relationships. Though most of them started with sex, they all meant something to me. I loved ‘em all. And some of them I still love.

Now back to reality. Back to work. Aray!


  • yes! power! i love power. (take note: power itself, not powerful people. make no mistake about that.) one day, it will love me in return.

    By Blogger carl, at 12:01 AM  

  • sabi nga ni captain planet:
    The Power is yours!

    ala lang, share ko lang.

    By Blogger Bryan Anthony the First, at 6:31 AM  

  • carl,
    ako din. i love and i want power... kelan kaya ako magkakaroon?
    speaking of power, gusto ko makalipad... hahaha...

    hahaha... spiderman pa rin ako.

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 3:17 PM  

  • Wow. =)

    By Anonymous Devilicious, at 7:21 PM  

  • devilicious,
    Wow? anong wow?

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 6:11 PM  

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2010 - Wow! I can't believe this blog is already 4 years old! I would like to thank everyone has been so nice to me and my blog. I am really happy that there are people out there who can relate to my life.

January 24, 2010 - I met this guy online who inspired me to write/blog again. To Sal, thank you for the inspiration. I owe you one.

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I am a frustrated artist who finds refuge in bitterness and solitude. Angst is what I speak and love is what I hide. I never want to be seen naked for in nakedness there is truth and truth I am afraid of. Reality never seems to be fair, life in fact is iniquitous.

I like to put up a facade like a masked man in a party. I like to exude and air of mystery and fear. For in fear I earn respect and respect I treasure.

I like to play God once in a while, controlling the people who surround me. I love to twist emotions and bring out the insides.

I have found love but it left me suddenly for reasons until now I do not understand. He pierced right through everything that is me and left a broken arrow in my heart. But I let that happen because I loved him so sincerely. If there was a time I really loved someone, it would be that time. He rocked my world; sadly, he rocked me to my death.


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