30 July 2006

Charge it all to experience

The weather kinda sets the mood for some reminiscing. The cold air, the sound of raindrops as they touch the tim rooftop makes me wanna walk down memory lane and feel the past. I know, I should dwell on the past and that I should move on. But no matter how I tell myself I’d move on, I just can’t. It’s like I am stuck in a puddle of sticky mud swallowing me slowly until I couldn’t breathe. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration.

I was browsing my photobucket earlier and came upon some pictures that made me sigh, smile and cry. The drama queen in me…

This shot was taken by Ryan at Starbucks along Commonwealth. I think it was at Convergys building. We were eating at his favorite afterwork place, Tapa King. But the irony of it was I never saw him order Tapa King. He would always ask for Tapa Queen. I dunno the difference. I never liked tapa anyway.

Sigh.
He would always pick me up after in his Mazda 3 or Echo back then. We wpuld always fight on how late I went down the building and that he would circle Eastwood a couple of times to avoid parking since it costs a lot. But the make up sex always did the trick. We did it in his room, in the restroom, upside down, standing etc. I miss that. He was an adventurous guy and I loved him. In fact, he was the first ever boyfriend that saw me crying.

But he’s a prick! He left me for my friend 3 days after our first monthsary.



Marvin, my first ever boyfriend. The day of my college graduation we became official. Adorable. That was the word that would best describe him. He was the first guy I became serious with after hundreds or overnight fucks and meaningless utters or I love you’s. His was for real and I thought we’d be real for long. But no, he slapped me with the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard: ”I need time for myself… It’s not you, it’s me…” BULLSHIT! After him everything was just a game for me. And I hurt so many guys. It’s his fault!

Grrr…


And this was how I look like in college. Scary huh? I had long black fingernails, piercings all over my face and you’d see me in campus with my hair all spiked up. I even had a black skirt made with an inverted silver cross stiched in front. God, was I scary!

But I loved myself. FREEDOM was my thing and UP catered that.

But that ain’t the look I’ll be sporting anytime soon. Hahaha. I’ll leave that to experience. At least I had fun.

16 Comments:

  • Yeah. The rain makes me think crazy things from the past. LOL. Hell, it even makes me horny. Hahahahaha!

    Scary? Honestly, a little. Pero tame pa yan sa mga nakikita ko sa may amin. LOL.

    By Blogger Jhed, at 5:27 PM  

  • @ Jhed - i totally agree, the rain makes me horny as well. too bad im at work...

    hahaha. tagasaan ka ba at may mga scary people jan sa inyo?

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 5:54 PM  

  • tiga UP Diliman ka, diba?

    or am i wrong? pero halata naman, the way you write is damn good.

    di kaya ma-MTRCB ka sa mga pictures? hahaha. lol. sa bagay, hahah mas macho pala ang bf mo kaysa saken LOL!

    hahahah ayun. :) wow you even went to cebu! astigin ka naman. :) (online prostitute pala ha.. ahehe)

    http://utakgago.blogspot.com

    By Blogger utakgago, at 6:53 PM  

  • @ utakgago - yeah i used to be UP diliman student. wahehehe... peo bola na yun wen u said i write good. may damn pang kasama. wahehehe. hindi kaya. puro nga non-sense eh.

    and i never went to Cebu. in fact i have never been there... wahehehe...

    macho talag yung first bf ko. macho ka rin ba? baka pwede kita maging bf. whatdayathink? wahehehe...

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 7:23 PM  

  • Iba ka talaga. :p Naaliw ako kasi sa mga posts mo, puno ng expression of love, something na never kong nagagawa. :>

    Medyo scary nga itsura mo, pero normal lang naman ganyan sa UP di ba? Angas nga eh. \m/

    By Anonymous skwayred, at 10:11 PM  

  • honestly, brew... you looked scary in that pic of yours. i've seen weird students (big glasses, high waist, etc) in gokongwei building but the piercing and the stuff, i do not know what to say.

    good thing, you've become a beautiful swan!!! =)

    By Blogger allan, at 11:33 PM  

  • don't you just love rainy days?

    *sighs*

    that look was really something, pwede ka na sumali sa rockstar supernova. haha!

    By Blogger teepsee, at 12:07 AM  

  • I like the piercing on your eyebrow. I had one before but it turns out that I am allergic to silver so I ditch that look to the relief of my aunt who was quite appalled when she saw me with that while picking in the airport in Helsinki.

    I am pretty used to rain being a Bergener here and I kindof has this love and hate relationship with it.

    By Anonymous charles ravndal, at 5:08 AM  

  • Mas bagay mo yung short hair brew! hehe!

    Kaya ayaw ko ang rainy days. You get to reminisce. Whats bad about that? well, you mostly reminisce about heartaches and long for the good old days. Diba?

    By Blogger Jigs, at 5:23 AM  

  • I love rainy days too! Wish I could spend all rainy days at home or somewhere warm with someone cuddly beside me. Hahaha!

    Well, we would never be who we are right now without our past experiences. I'm grateful for all the lessons the past taught me too. :)

    By Blogger ~*galenlondeien*~, at 11:22 AM  

  • ang angas ng porma mo!! haha.. up.. galing!

    By Anonymous jami, at 10:08 PM  

  • The rain doesnt just makes me eeky and sentimental... but it also wakens the raging hormones inside me! lolz!

    OMG brew! that was you?! You're punk! omg!

    By Blogger Rob a.k.a Bim, at 12:30 PM  

  • Hey, atleast you look waaaay better now. And who knows, you even looked really good back then, it's just that the time is different you know? :)

    Haay, reminiscing..

    By Blogger juice is justine, at 5:27 PM  

  • Hey brew!
    wow... big difference man.... mas ok na ngayun! rainy days makes you feel stuff because there's nothing to do... oh and Tapa's good!!!!

    passin by again...

    By Blogger Kiro, at 5:38 AM  

  • hehe, dat look , everyone wants to gaya gaya in our school ehehe...
    so yahh ur jst more mature now..
    hehe and yeah ur way better nah
    ehehe...

    By Blogger monique, at 1:32 PM  

  • @ skyward - hahaha. thanks at naaliw ka sa posts ko.

    ewan ko kung normal yung style na ganun sa UP. wahehehe... basta weird lang talaga ako nun. di na ngayon maxado... wahehehe...

    @ agc_dlsu - did i look scary? ako din eh. looking back, parang stupid ako nun. wahehehe... and i love my peircings. i still the one in the lower lip though and two in my right ear.

    talagang beautiful swan. thanks pow.

    @ teepsee - i love rainy days kasi dressdown sa office pag signal #1. wahehehe... rockstar supernova? nu yun? wahehehe...

    @ charles ravndal - wahehehe... mine's gone too. i took it off for graduation pictorials but failed to return it back and i lost the stud. i still have the one under my lower lip and the two on my right ear though. wahehehe...

    goodluck with your relationship with the rain Charles! lol

    @ jigs - i know. mas mukha akong tao ngayon. wahehehe. i have finally blended in. wahehehe... i know. there's something about rain that makes us remember the sad times. hayyy...

    @ ~*galenlondeien*~ - well id love rainy days if i had no work and i had a yummy bf in bed with me... wed have sex all day and all night! ihi lang ang pahinga... wahehehe...

    @ jami - angas ba? jologs kaya... wahehehe

    @ juice is justine - do i? you think so? i think so too. wahehehe...

    @ kiro - wahehehe. thanks for the comment dre! i dun like tapa that much. wahehehe...

    @ monique - ur kinda conotic ha. i like it. cofibean ikaw ba itich?! wahehehe...

    By Blogger /iambrew, at 5:47 PM  

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2010 - Wow! I can't believe this blog is already 4 years old! I would like to thank everyone has been so nice to me and my blog. I am really happy that there are people out there who can relate to my life.

January 24, 2010 - I met this guy online who inspired me to write/blog again. To Sal, thank you for the inspiration. I owe you one.

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I am a frustrated artist who finds refuge in bitterness and solitude. Angst is what I speak and love is what I hide. I never want to be seen naked for in nakedness there is truth and truth I am afraid of. Reality never seems to be fair, life in fact is iniquitous.


I like to put up a facade like a masked man in a party. I like to exude and air of mystery and fear. For in fear I earn respect and respect I treasure.

I like to play God once in a while, controlling the people who surround me. I love to twist emotions and bring out the insides.

I have found love but it left me suddenly for reasons until now I do not understand. He pierced right through everything that is me and left a broken arrow in my heart. But I let that happen because I loved him so sincerely. If there was a time I really loved someone, it would be that time. He rocked my world; sadly, he rocked me to my death.

 


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