Politics and Troll

I just got home from work. Today has been like any other Sunday (considering it was my Sunday shift). I am tired but I felt the need to post something today. And besides, there were a lot that happened and still happening. Although I don’t know exactly what is happening at Fort Bonifacio but still it had been the talk in the office since I had lunch (around 8pm) earlier. It is amazing how the President reacted to the People Power I anniversary. She declared State of Emergency and the last time I heard the police was arresting people because they think these people were involved in plotting to out stage the president from her seat. *Sigh Politics. What’s new anyhow? People can’t get along these days.

Enough of the current events. I just had a nice conversation with a guy officemate. Let’s call him Troll—not that he looks like a troll or anything. His hair is just so thick under his cap. That’s a clue. Anyways I have been trying to know if he were gay or not. We are talking over email for the past weeks and he seems nice. Makes me feel guilty I’m doing an investigation on him. His not my usual crushable type but he’s cute in his own way. So were talking about sex earlier and how he was a horny bunny before. Apparently this lad believes he has changed. I don’t think so, I thought. We touched the topic of same sex encounters and he confided that he have had a sexual thing going on before with a guy who pretended to be a girl when they were chatting. Troll went to this guy’s apartment looking for a shag and thinking he was shagging a girl but to his dismay the she was a guy. But still, out of being so horny (according to him) he did him. Yeah. It was an anal fest. His first time, he said. I asked him if he liked it and he said it was okay and had really no choice because apparently Troll had a lot of stamina for sex that day. I was surprised he would even be honest with me about that. Makes me wanna shag him too. Harhar.

Anyways, I asked him if he wanted to have coffee this Friday and he said yes. He even gave me his number. I am not counting on it though. You know how guys are. They tend to change their minds about dates. Is this a date? Definitely not! It’s just coffee. Ü

Brokeback Mountain "You have no idea how bad it gets..."

Brokeback Mountain
By Ang Lee
Heath Ledger
Jake Gyllenhaal
Based on a short story by Annie Proulx

Just finished watching the best movie ever. Jake was so cute. I’ve seen a couple of his movies (The Day After Tomorrow and Proof) and he was instant crush. Everything about him is just perfect. Come to think of it, I might already be in love with him. Makes me wish he’s really gay. His smile is just so irresistible. Don’t you think so?

Jake Gyllenhaal - the cutest guy ever!

Okay. This post barely constitutes a real movie review like what Jessica Zafra makes or Edsel, my ex. It’s not. I just like to write about the movie. Like I said, it is by fave so far.

The scene I love in this movie was the time Jake went to Wyoming after three long years to see Heath—which by now had a wife and two daughters. The moment they saw each other, Heath started kissing Jake like there was no tomorrow. It was I think the most passionate kiss ever. Too bad Heath’s wife played by Dawson’s Creek’s Michelle Williams caught them while aggressively kissing each other.


Jake and Heath kissing each other. I wish I was Heath. *sigh

After the movie I felt a sudden rush of sadness. Well let’s face it, the ending was tragic. Jake died and Heath was alone living in an old trailer out in the desert. Not the ending I would have liked but it made the film stuck into my head and my heart. Tragic movies have they’re way of bringing out more questions, what ifs and such.

I wish I know how to quit you! Ahhh… Yeah. Didn’t we all feel that way one time or another? Remind of me Marvin, my first boyfriend. I never knew how to move on. I still don’t know how until now. And everytime he appears out of nowhere to break my wall and make me fall again, everytime deeper. The last time he did that I jumped out of seat and immediately called him up with my mobile. We, or should I say, I tried to stay in touch with him after that but he was always busy and would not return my messages. I envy him. He so easily learned to let go from what was once “us” when all I have are the memory of the past. They’re like ghosts haunting me during my solitude and desperation. The last message I got from him, he told me to go on dates and to stop bothering him.

You have no idea how bad it gets. Do you? I wish I could say that to somebody. I have almost said that line (or something like that) to Robbie, my recent ex. I just had to let him go. Despite what my heart said, it was the best thing to do. And I think it was for the good of both of us. I just hope he’s better now. I hope to see him someday happy and successful. At a young age, he didn’t deserve what he was going through (Note: I used past tense because I am really hoping he’s way better now).

Last scene in the movie. Sad. Jack was dead.

Two Years AfterSuperman Returns

It has been around two years since I met Khalel. When I first knew him I thought his name was Cairo since that was how introduced himself. We met at downelink. He wasn’t really the guy I would normally like (or at least his pictures were). He was looking for someone who’d be in Malate that night and I readily said yes. I sent him a message that I was going. I also left him my number. Night came and he texted me asking if I was going in Malate. Unfortunately the scaredy cat that I was got into me and I said I would meet him some other time.



So the time came that we decided to meet. I was in Malate early so I ordered myself a bottle of beer. The first one passed bay swiftly but he was nowhere still. He was coming from work and he kept on texting his near. So I ordered another beer and enjoyed my Winston Lights. After a couple of hours more, I think, he arrived with a big smile. God, was he an angel. He was chinito, moreno and everything I wanted for a guy. I was not expecting him to be like that but to my satisfaction, he was. So we were sitting there, seldom talking with each other while we wait for his friend. We would make small talk but that was it.

When his friend arrived we decided to try the then newly-opened bath house (I forgot the name). It was right across Malate.

I sat near the bar while they dance the night away. I was so out of place but I enjoyed it anyhow just looking at him, letting my heart fall, again. I knew right there and then that he was a heartache waiting to happen, a series of night watching dramatic movies with popcorn on the left hadn and the remote control on the right. But that didn’t matter. I liked what I was doing and I let myself be. (I’m not yet sure if I did the right thing.)

Back to Now

I immediately replied the unnamed message on my phone when I got up this morning. As always, “who u?” was the message. No answer so I decided to call. He picked up the phone and immediately the voice on the other line sounded familiar. I just couldn’t put my finger on who it was. I gave a couple of names and he said no. He kept mentioning he was Superman. I was thinking really hard when the line got cut. A few seconds after, it him who was calling. Then I finally figured it out. It was Cairo. Or Khalel.
So he is single. Somehow when I heard that I felt my heart jumped with excitement. Is this the chance I was once waiting for? No, I immediately composed myself. He didn’t like me the first time and he will never. We are going be friends, nothing more. I ended up convincing myself that he was going to be just part of my frustrations. Now I am convinced. I should stop hoping, maybe not only for Khalel.

Night Before PuertoAn Encounter With an Ex

Slept for thirty minutes. Marvin is in the room sleeping soundly. We met at Starbucks Araneta last night with a couple of friends, one of which was from college, Marj. Apparently, she broke up with her beau and wanted to return all the things he gave her, mostly stuff toys. So lame! I told her. So yesterday! Don’t you agree? I mean, those stuff have been given for a reason and besides, returning them wouldn’t change anything. It’s not as if when she shows up on his doorsteps with those stuff toys very late in the evening everything would change! Common! So I convinced her not to return the things but last night. We came into a decision that she should return the things when she’s really ready to let go and move on. I never did understand straight relationships. They’re so complicated. Yeah? So we stayed until almost midnight at Starbucks talking about life, college days and love among others.

Marvin went home with me. We talked for most of the part about his relationships after me and all the girls he met and the one he almost got pregnant. It made me realize why “we” never worked out. It was my fault. I was immature and stupid. And it seems that he was as juvenile as I was for he did not let me explain. But I am happy about our relationship though. Nothing committal but at least we’re happy. Or at least I am. We made love and then talk after. I miss those times when sex was fun and exciting and “shivery,” if you get my drift. It’s not like usual me; smoke-right-after-sex guy anymore. Marvin made me feel loved again. But one thing is for sure, I am still decided to be single for as long as I can. No commitments. Period.

We talked about Robbie too. How he hurt me and how I love him and so miss him. Yeah, I miss him so much. I was having coffee earlier around 7pm at Bo’s Coffee Club and I remembered him. How I wished he would text me or show up right there on my face just like a ghost out of nowhere but this time I won’t be frightened but excited and ecstatic. But I was hoping so bad it almost made me cry. Oh well. And then Marj texted she needed company.

I wonder where he is right now. I really do. And I pray for him each night. May he be always safe. I still love him so.

Gotta get ready for Puerto. By the way, Aphol and I are gonna go to Puerto today. We plan to meet around 7am. We’re going to stay at her friend’s place there. My first time. I’m hoping for the best. After this, I’m gonna be broke, again. Well, what’s new anyways?

A Date with the Washing Machine

Woke a couple of hours ago. After a smoke and a bottle of Coke I decided I should do my laundry. A date with the washing machine I call it. Now the machine is turning all my clothes clean. Just waiting for it to stop and then another batch of clothes will turn.

A friend in the office just asked me who my date is for this V-day. I said what date? And she replied jokingly saying a date like February 14, 2006. I jokingly replied oh well, got a date with the washing machine.

That friend of mine just came back from a one month stay in Cebu. It’s the company’s way of expanding the program for the peak season because apparently the program receives a lot of call during the season. I would have wanted to go there but my record did not back me up for the slot. I had too many unexcused absences and my type of employee ain’t really what they were looking for that time. When they got back she already has a boyfriend and has been wanting to relocate there permanently ever since. But I guess the program can’t accommodate such loss. A lot has been resigning from work already and a lot has been transferred to another program leaving the program somewhat crippled.

When she got back here she asked me if I wanted to relocate with her to Cebu. The idea sounded really nice. Well from what I have been hearing about the place it got my curiousness on the high rise. But the moment I thought of Robbie, my boyfriend then, I knew it would not be an easy choice. I could not leave him for a year. What will happen to our relationship? I thought. So I opted not to pursue that chance and just stay here in the metro. And now the relationship is over and Cebu is just but another thought. Even my officemate is still here but I doubt if she has given up on going to Cebu. Now that she found someone there. I really doubt it.

Anyway, you’re probably wondering my I got so much time in my hands right now that I can do two posts in a day. Well to tell you my leave for a week has been approved after several attempts and frustrations. My supervisor even asked me if I wanted it two weeks instead of just one. I opted for the one week vacation. I think that would be enough for a rest. And now I am doing some materials for my new website aptly titled “I am Brew.” Better watch out for it. Well I am thinking of putting this post on the new website instead of my current blog. I am still thinking.

V-day and IbsCollege Remembered

It’s Valentine’s Day once again and just like all the valentine’s I’ve spent before, I am going to spend it alone. I don’t know what the fuzz and buzz about this day is but it sure makes a lonely heart grow lonelier. Don’t you agree? I remember the Valentine’s Day I spent in Mount Banahaw when I was graduating college. I was with Ibs then, my so-called live-in partner. The Banahaw trip was actually not for V-day but it was for a class. We spent a night camping in the mountains with candles and canned foods and stuff. Though it was not really what people would call a perfect date but it was the only V-day of my entire life that I am with someone I actually like – Ibs.

I miss her though. I am sad it never turned out to be perfect, our relationship. And much of the blame is on me. I fell out of love the day she confessed her love for me. I was thinking we’re better off as friends. But she wanted more than that and all I could offer her was mere friendship. I must admit though, the first time I laid eyes on her I told myself I have to know this girl. She was just so beautiful, complicated and almost perfect. She looked in every way like a girl. Her voice gave it away but still I loved her the moment I met her in class. She was an education student taking an extra class in journalism. During breaks I would always ask her if she wanted to smoke and we’ll go out and talk about guys and stuff about life. I remember her telling me she goes for the mature kind of guy. Ouch! I thought, but I still continued seeing her, admiring her beauty. The next thing I know I was living in her apartment, sleeping on her bed.

The day she told me how she truly felt about me I was convinced we’d be better off as friends. I know she was hurt because I was not able to give back what she was giving me. She always made sure I had breakfast, lunch and dinner on the table. Even when she’s not around she always made sure I was okay. She took care of me. I never felt so much loved by other people in my whole life.

Days before graduation I moved out of her apartment. She gave me a letter asking me to choose – to stay or to go. I had to go. I could not hurt her much longer. And until now I haven’t seen her. The last thing I heard she is in Davao taking up law in Ateneo. One thing’s for sure though, I miss her and I wonder if I’ll ever see her again, my friend, my lover.


It’s Valentine’s Day once again and just like all the valentine’s I’ve spent before, I am going to spend it alone. I don’t know what the fuzz and buzz about this day is but it sure makes a lonely heart grow lonelier. Don’t you agree? I remember the Valentine’s Day I spent in Mount Banahaw when I was graduating college. I was with Ibs then, my so-called live-in partner. The Banahaw trip was actually not for V-day but it was for a class. We spent a night camping in the mountains with candles and canned foods and stuff. Though it was not really what people would call a perfect date but it was the only V-day of my entire life that I am with someone I actually like – Ibs.

I miss her though. I am sad it never turned out to be perfect, our relationship. And much of the blame is on me. I fell out of love the day she confessed her love for me. I was thinking we’re better off as friends. But she wanted more than that and all I could offer her was mere friendship. I must admit though, the first time I laid eyes on her I told myself I have to know this girl. She was just so beautiful, complicated and almost perfect. She looked in every way like a girl. Her voice gave it away but still I loved her the moment I met her in class. She was an education student taking an extra class in journalism. During breaks I would always ask her if she wanted to smoke and we’ll go out and talk about guys and stuff about life. I remember her telling me she goes for the mature kind of guy. Ouch! I thought, but I still continued seeing her, admiring her beauty. The next thing I know I was living in her apartment, sleeping on her bed.

The day she told me how she truly felt about me I was convinced we’d be better off as friends. I know she was hurt because I was not able to give back what she was giving me. She always made sure I had breakfast, lunch and dinner on the table. Even when she’s not around she always made sure I was okay. She took care of me. I never felt so much loved by other people in my whole life.

Days before graduation I moved out of her apartment. She gave me a letter asking me to choose – to stay or to go. I had to go. I could not hurt her much longer. And until now I haven’t seen her. The last thing I heard she is in Davao taking up law in Ateneo. One thing’s for sure though, I miss her and I wonder if I’ll ever see her again, my friend, my lover.

Dead MalateMeeting with an old friend

Just got home from Malate. After work earlier I asked Joan to meet me so we could got out for a drink or two. When I got home I suddenly changed my mind about it but Joan was already ready and waiting to be picked up. So I put on my jeans and a fancy jacket, sprayed some perfume on my shirt and hailed a cab going to Kamias, where her dormitory is. And there just like we talked about, she was standing right in front of Jollibee texting, probably me.

I got off the cab and approached her and hugged her. After the usual “hi’s” and “hello’s”, we decided to go to Malate. It was around 3 in the morning and I was hoping there were still people in Malate. It is a Sunday and we were not really expecting a lot of party people out.



When we arrived in Malate, Nakpil to be exact, there we a few people walking probably going home, some jerky and some smoking. We got off just in front of Gilligan’s which was closed. I have never seen Malate that dead. We walked trying to find a place where we could crash in but the usual bars where I go where all closed. So we headed the other direction and Joan got hungry so we stopped over Burger Machine and treated ourselves one of those triple burgers they have. After that we walked a little more and saw Club Biology. There were a few guys drinking, gays, so we decided we’d give it a shot. And we really needed to drink anyway. That was the only reasonable thing to do after the disappointment of finding out Rainbow is closed added the fact that we have no dates this V-day. Ouch!

I got myself a bottle of Strong Ice, my fave, while she did San Mig Light. We were having so much fun in our conversation so we ordered one more round for both of us. We were talking about college, friends and work. Apparently, Joan might go to US before the year ends and probably work there. She also said that I should follow her there. If only that were that simple. For one I don’t have a VISA not even a passport. I could not leave this country. And I am afraid I’d be stuck here all my life. But she didn’t need to know that. Too sad a topic for the exciting and funny conversation that was going on.