hopelesssoul*

I am an angel clipped off of my wings, brought down to suffer the bitterness of this damp earth.
I am a hopeless soul who never cease to look for someone who can see through me.

I never cease to wander, hiding myself from reality. But reality has ways of finding me, slapping me on the face of what is now.

I am a funeral passing by the road of solitude leaving everyone confused and asking. My coffin is my flesh and inside is my rotten being, slowly being eaten by worms of enormous apetite and disgusting smell.

You laugh at me because you think I am funny. And after those laughters, you dismiss me like a thin air of smoke, and the coldness of the night brings me to nothingness.

It is cruel, I know. But this is my fate, my karma, my life.

-------
*I wrote this poem last 2004, posted it in my previous blog. I edited parts of it as well.

The Loves of my Love Lives The Last Installment

After one day of absence, I am back to blogging and working! Argh! Anwyays, watched XMEN III yesterday at Eastwood Mall. I liked the movie and Archangel was so freakin’ fuckable. Too bad he didn’t have too many exposures. I read from one of the blogs which said he looked so gay. Hahaha…I soo agree… I could only wish that he’d fly here and take me away to heaven. Poof! Pop goes my imaginary bubble!
-----

So here’s the last installment of The Loves of my Love Lives… I know you’ve been waiting for this…

I remember the first time we met. Robbie was Ryan’s (my ex) “take out” for that night. Miguel, Ryan and me had a dare. Whoever meets the guy with the largest dick, wins. Miguel and I didn’t bring any. Ryan had Robbie who was with his best friend. We stayed at Miguel’s abandoned house in Project 6 (he moved). We were with a couple more friends.

The dare it seemed was then impossible to fulfill. We were just too many and Robbie was the sure winner. According to Ryan, Robbie had a huge dick. He saw it once while Robbie was showing off in his cam for every meat lovers to see. Ryan was one of them I suppose.

We started the night with a bottle of Emperador. We gathered on the floor and started a game—truth or dare. Robbie was asked whom he liked in the group. He pointed at me. That time the feeling was already mutual. When it was my turn I readily pointed at him. He was then asked to kiss the guy he liked. Again it was I. I also kissed him. He asked questions like Are you top or bottom, Are you in a relationship and the likes. The next thing I knew we were sitting together, kissing each other like there was no tomorrow. I like the way he kisses. He will kiss you ever so lightly and then gently wipe your lips with his thumb. I find that very romantic. And that was the first time I experienced something like that. Right there and then I knew I was going to be in love. And I was. I still am.

Our first date was the sweetest. I waited for him at Starbucks Araneta when he showed up with two boxes of Ferrero’s. I asked him how he knew they were my fave’s and he said he did some research. Ain’t that just sweet? After the coffee, we watched Corpse Bride at Gateway while our hands were locked to each other and his head upon my shoulder.

The Love of my Life...

The first time we ever had sex was on my room. He licked me all over literally and I licked him too. He sucked me and I sucked him. And then I tried to fuck him but he couldn’t take the pain. It was going to be his first, and so he said. I tried it again gently but seeing his face, I realized how painful it was for him. I stopped. My libido went six-feet under. He was my angel. He is my angel. And I didn’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to hurt him. He said sorry and I understood. He promised next time it was going to be different. And yes it was. I fucked him twice, thrice and it was wonderful. It’s not really a matter or fulfilling your carnal desires by fucking somebody. It is that wonderful feeling, the moment when you share your body with someone you actually love that makes the difference. I felt that with Robbie.

The first month was heaven. The second was earth. The third was painful.

I would be so hypocrite if I said I don’t love him anymore. I still do just the same as the first time we met. The sad and excruciating thing is facing the fact that he doesn’t feel the same way anymore. It’s the thought of probabilities that makes it hard to move on.

The last time we met was when I invited him to Puerto Galera (all expense paid) in hopes of getting back together. Unfortunately the most that I got was a blowjob. Huhuhu…

The Loves in my Love lives… III[unedited]

Hmmm. I am here @ work already. My supervisor asked me yesterday to go to work and render a 2-hour overtime. I gladly said yes after seeing her really frantic about not knowing what to do anymore coz there are a lot of agents on day off right now plus the fact that three teams are on their summer outing in La Luz Batangas today. Yeah, they are having fun in the sun while the rest of us suffers here @ work. Oh well, life could be worse.

Anyways, I’m still 30 monites early so im writing my third post about The Loves of my Love Lives.

After what happened with Marvin and Jerome it took me a while to recover. I dated a lot of guys, had unprotected sex and wasted my semen with guys I didn’t even know. Yeah, sometimes I don’t get their names. And then I met Zeus. He was studying at FEU taking up Nursing when I met him @ Downelink.com. I was not expecting a lot from him, physically that is, coz his picture ain’t really that nice. He was my constant release during lonely and horny nights. Ove the phone of course. Thank God for SUN--because everything important is under the SUN.

The day we finally decide to meet, I went to FEU. Well not inside. I waited for him outside. He was good-looking and oozing with sex appeal. God, I wanted to fuck him right there and then. Haha…

The second time we met he was with his friend and professor drinking @ Yes (it’s a bar with billiards in Recto.) He was tipsy after so I decided to accompany him home and spend the night in their house in Bulacan. I was worried he’d not make it home with his state. We slept in separate beds that night because he was sharing the room with his brother but the next morning right after we went to church (my first btw that year) we finally had the chance to fuck. And we did. And I was not disappointed. He was a good fuck. And looking at it now, he was just that—a good fuck!

When I got home, I asked him if he really loved me coz I was beginning to fall for him. he was not replying so I gave him a deadline. Come midnight and I still haven’t received a text from him, I’ll never text him or meet him again. Around 11:45pm that day he finally texted and said we’re better off as friends. Ouch! I hated him! It was a 3-day affair. But I was hurt and I felt to ugly and so stupid and so lost.

But I knew I had to get up and face the world again so I erased his number (yes, I am bitter) and moved on swiftly. After all, 3days was short and could easily be replaced with lots of sex with other men. And that was what I did. I had sex every other day with different guys. The rule was: Not in bed with the same guy twice. And I lived up to that.

And then I met Ryan. He lives just a ride away from my house. It started out with regular phone calls and sweet text messages. Then we decided to finally meet one night. I went to his house and we talked about stuff. Then he asked “tayo na?” I wasn’t sure I was ready for another relationship and he seemed really nice and he was cute as well so I said yes. Ryan was the boy-next-door-too-good-to-true-and-without-any-flaws type. I loved his eyes the most and his lips. Plus he kissed really good. So I spent the night there and obviously we had sex. And there I found his flaws. I am not telling what it is though.

After than one-night rendezvous, I never met him again. We are friends now. Apparently he was friends with some guys I am friends with. And we became a part of one barkada. We drink a lot by the way and we’re not bitter about what happened between us though the barkada knows about us. It was a happy ending this time.

Gelo. I was invited to join a clan which was named Cubicle for Men (C4M). It’s a group of gay guys (most of which pretends they’re bi-sexual for marketability reasons). This was where I met Gelo. He’s almost as tall as me which was a plus, he was a singer which was perfect and he did not have a hint of gayness which was a plus plus. And was well endowed. Hahaha. The first few weeks were great. He would always spend the night at home everytime he was in Manila since he’s from Laguna and he would always leave these really sweet notes. Our relationship was we call whirlwind affair. After just 3 days form the day we met, we were lovers. (Not that it was new to me anyway.) So the notes would always say something himself. I find that really sweet. It’s those little things he did that made me love him so much.

But that changed the day (or night) I met Ryan. I fell head over heels for him. But Gelo and I were still together. After a lot of thought and considerations, I finally unplugged what Gelo and I had. I broke up with him to make way for Ryan. I know what you are thinking. I am an asshole. I admit it. I am. But I also am a guy who just loves. Petty reason I know. Hmmm…

Before I actually met Ryan, I had a friend meet him for a date. Now this friend of mine was really sweet he brought a bunch of roses for Ryan the first time they met and would always visit Ryan at work. Hayyy. Ain’t that just cute?

Our relationship was really nice at first. He would always pick me up from work, then we’d eat at Tapa King (his fave was Tapa Queen and I think eating there was expensive) and then we’d have sex at his house. I would always see him during my days off or drop by his work just before I go to work. It was really going smoothly. We just had one huge fight one time. He was asking me to have sex with him but I wasn’t in the mood and he was being so makulit and that kinda irritated me so got out of his house and went home which made him really mad. The next night, he picked me up and we drove around their subdivision. He suddenly said, “Ayoko na. Let’s break up.’ Tears fell from eyes and all I could say was, “Okay. I am really sorry for what happened. I’ll get off her and find my way out. Thanks.” Then he let out a big smile and said, “I was joking. But I didn’t like what you did. Pinababalik kita but you didn’t. you even turned off your phone.” Then I cried harder. In that moment, I realized how much I really love him and how much it hurts to lose him.

We were okay after that and made it to our first month. Since I had work that night (graveyard shift) I met him and his friends at Starbucks Eastwood for coffee just before work. We also ate at Dencio’s. Of course his friends didn’t know we were together so he introduced me as a friend which I had no problem about. It’s totally understandable. While we were having coffee at Starbucks and his friends were away, he told me, “Maw, gusto ko ng kabit.” (Maw-short for meow. He knew I love cats so that what we call each other) Obviously he was making me jealous. One thing he hates about me was I was not the jealous type. He was and he wanted me to be the same. So I said to him, “Sige, refer kita sa mga friends ko.” And I did which was a big mistake because days after he was already dating my friend.

He said it was just a friendly meeting for coffee. Friendly my ass! Friendly coffee in the wee hours of the morning? After three night that he didn’t picked me up from work because he was with my friend I finally asked him the question, “Mahal mo ba siya?” And guess what he said? ‘Ewan ko nga eh…” And as I was reading that text message I felt my world crumble down. I knew I had to make a decision. I knew I had to make him choose. But he didn’t choose. He left me hanging. That was when I finally decided that it was over.

Ryan was the first relationship (after my first bf-Marvin) I did not cheat on. During this time I promise myself to be monogamous. I pulled it off. I did not have sex with any other guy but him and it hurt like hell knowing he was being fucked by my friend. But I loved him so I gave him another chance… And another chance… And another chance… The third time I finally decided it was OVER. PERIOD. TAMA NA!

The last time I heard, he has a new bf now and he’s happy. Good for him. I hate him.

The Loves in my Love lives… II[unedited]

Hmm… Went to Meatshop (again) last night. I got Tessa to drive me there from work. Really nice girl. I love her. Rome immediately saw me and he got me seated beside him. and to my surprise, Patrick (crush @ work) was there as well. hayyy… I still can’t look him straight in the eyes though. I wonder why.

--------
To continue yesterday’s post I present you Edsel. I met Edsel at YM. This guy is a genius. He writes really good and he also makes movie reviews. He’s like 8inches smaller than me though (in terms of height you perve! :þ). But our relationship did not last. This was the time I was trying so hard to forget and let go of Marvin. I thought I was being unfair to him and to myself because I kept thinking about Marvin. So I decided to break up with him after a month or so (really can’t remember). But we remained friends.

One thing I could never forget when we were together was the time he brought me to Star City with his classmates from college. About me: I hate rides. But he got me to ride the big boat thingy, the Cyclone loop and other really scary rides. Cyclone loop was the worst! I kept my eyes shut the whole time and I couldn’t even scream! It was like any moment by body slip through the safety (?) bars. After that I promise not to do it again. But it was all fun. And I loved him then. Plus, he was really sweet to me.

Marvin. Another Marvin. I met him through a fuck buddy. Apparently this FB of mine had a big crush on Marvin and he was describing the latter as angelic. Curiosity got the best of me so I asked for Marvin’s number. At first Marvin was hesitant and wouldn’t meet me up. When I finally got through him, he agreed to meet me at Gloria Jeans Araneta.

One thing you should know about him before the relationship: HE WAS STRAIGHT! or so he claims. In fact, I was his first boyfriend. Beat that!

At first I wasn’t that serious since the idea of having a fair relationship with a straight guy seemed so far-fetched. But Marvin was different. He showed me love and I really felt it. We lasted for 3 months and the break-up was hurtful.

Here’s the story of the break-up and also Jerome’s story. I met Jerome months before Marvin. He was this cute 17-year old gay guy. I invited him to my place and I let him suck me off since he didn’t want me to reciprocate that to him. I didn’e even see him naked or half-naked. After that we kept in touch but never met again. So in short there was no me and jerome. During my relationship with Marvin, I met Jerome for coffee with no intentions whatsoever. I met him at Greenbelt III in Makati. Then he told me loved me and stuff. I was shocked because I didn’t know that from the day we first met until that time we were having coffee he though there was something between us. He thought we were in a relationship. And being the player that I was, I didn’t tell him Marvin’s existence in my life. I juggled my time to meet Marvin, Jerome and of course work. I was doing a great job. Or so I thought. When I finally realized I should sort things out, I knew I had to choose between Marvin and Jerome. That was easy. I loved Marvin. So I broke up with Jerome which he didn’t take easily and that same day I had Marvin went to the house where we enjoyed a couple of movies. After the movies and the sex, we decided to hit the sack. I put my phone off like (which I always did during that time) and went to sleep with Marvin hugging me and whispering I love you’s.

Then suddenly I noticed that Marvin wasn’t beside me so I sat down the makeshit bed (we were in the sala sleeping) and saw him sitting on the sofa crying. I asked why and all he said was “Manloloko! Manloloko ka! Bakit mo ako niloko?!” I didn’t know what the problem was so I asked why. He said back,”Sino si Jerome?” Before I could say anything he got up and slammed the door. I follwed him outside and said we should talk but he was insitent of going home. And since I just woke up, my systems were also just waking up, and my reflects real slow I didn’t notice he was out of sight. I texted him saying sorry and stuff but he only replied, “Pag may nangyari sa akin ngayon ikaw ang may kasalanan” which made the feeling even worse. I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night that time. He stopped texting me and so it was over. It was then that I saw several messages from Jerome asking me to come back to him. That bitch!

A few weeks after I heard from somebody that Jerome and Marvin were seeing each other. How about that? I didn’t know Karma could be that fast! I knew it was may fault and I didn’t have any right to ask for forgiveness so I just soaked in my bitterness and tried to moved on from what happened. But every night I would always cry thinking how I wasted Marvin’s love for me and just when I was loving him for real, he left me.

A few more weeks Jerome texted me saying Marvin was about to be married to his girlfriend who he got pregnant. I knew this girl. Marvin used to talk about her when we were together. I got so depressed because the thought of not having him anymore hurt me like hell and now that he was gonna be a daddy made my chances slimmer than how it already was. I got so obsessed that I even told Marvin to have an abortion. I know what you are thinking. I am evil but I am pro-abortion.

I tried really hard to move on and when I already did (after a few more boyfriends) he showed up saying he still loves me and that he would do anything to get me back. He also said that the baby and marriage was just a ploy to hurt me. He added that all his relationships after me (girl and boy) failed because of me. Apparently he hasn’t moved on yet.

Well congratulations Marvin. You have succeeded. You hurt me big time. And during the time I was begging you to come back you ignored me like trash. But I am not mad at him. What happened was all my fault anyway.

Unfortunately I had a boyfriend that time whom I really really loved. Marvin and I remained friends and we sometimes meet for coffee. Up to now he still says he loves me. I love him too but not as much as I loved him before.

The Loves in my Love lives…

I noticed that recenly my posts pertains to my love life or more like the possibility of a love life, might as well then post about the men in my life. This is going to be in parts (I dunno how many though).

Ibs – Okay, I do not consider Ibs as an ex-boyfriend but I lived with him for almost 6 months. Imagine that. We met during my last year in college. He was an education major but he took journalism classes as well. That was the first time I saw him and I really thought he or rather she was a girl. She was so beautiful. She was wearing skirt, had long brown hair and had boobs (later on I found out they were just socks). His voice gave it away though but nonetheless I fell for him the first time I laid eyes on him. Our relationship (as friends) started while we were having a smoke just after class. (I made it sure I was noticed) He mentioned that he liked mature or older guys so I’d figured right there and then that I’d have no chance but my feeling towards him did not falter after he unconsciously turned me down. We got really close, in fact we went to a gay bar two days in a row. (Hot!) That was my first time and even the bartender thought he was a girl. He really was pretty. We had nightouts and I always stayed in his house after until I became a regular visitor and then he asked me to stay with him in his apartment since he had no company but his maid. Time went by and my feelings towards him changed. I resigned myself to the fact that we were going to be close friends, just friends. He new I was dating a lot of guys back then which I thought was okay since we are not “we.” It was too late when he confessed his love for me. Apparently, he too fell for me the first time he saw me in the classroom. But no matter how I try to revive the kind love I onced felt for him, I couldn’t. It just wasn’t there anymore. But I had to respect him and since we lived under one roof, dating guys came secretely. One night while we were at some bar in Katipunan (I forgot the name but I think it’s not there anymore) he asked me to agree with something. He called it our “exclusive dating contract” which would only end the first of April that year (2004). I loved him as a friend and I didn’t have the heart to hurt him (or anyone else for that matter) so I agreed. It meant that I did not date other guys but him. And I did not, just as promised. Came the deadline of the contract, he left me a letter just before he went to school. It stated I had two choices: either to leave the house or to stay. I gave it a long thought and I decided to go. I was hurting him enough (although I did not mean it) already. I packed my things and went home. Days after, my inbox in Friendster was full of his messages and also from his maid (who became my friend as well). But I had to stay firm. The love O have had for him already vanished and I could not lie to myself and to him.

The last time we talked he was taking up lay in Ateneo in Davao.

Marvin – The first ever boyfriend I had. I finally said yes during my graduation in college under the scorching heat of April 25 just behind Oblation’s behind (if you get my drift. Wahehehe) He was 26 then (if I remember it correctly) and I was 21. he was this really sexy guy I met at Friendzy.com (online community just like Friendster). We exhanged sappy but romantic notes and that made me feel super special. And the sex? Oh my, it was great (no fucking though). The first time we met, he brought me to his house and I met his grandma. His family didn’t know he was gay so we pretended we were working together. But whenever his grandma turned her back on us he would steal kisses from me. (Awww… I miss it.) He was the sweetest being and I loved him. One thing about him was that he didn’t like fat people nor did he like eating at foodcourts. Everytime we went out we always ate at Tokyo Tokyo (I hate sushi). He also loved to spend. And he spent a lot. Unfortunately after a week of not seeing each other, we broke up. This is not yet clear though whether who broke up with whom. He was having some problems he said he needed time for himself. I asked him if he was breaking up with me and he said he thought about it. Just like that, he left me hanging unto nothing. The relationship ended after almost three months.

The last time we met was Februray (I think) last year. I needed closure and I literally begged him to meet me up for coffee. And he agreed with the condition that I would pay for the coffee and we were to meet just before he goes to work. And we did. But I didn’t get the closure I wanted or thought I needed. In fact, I missed him even more. Stupid me!!! Closure my ass!
Last December, I received an message from him at Downelink.com. He said hi and I replied back. He left his numbers and being the stupid pathetic gay guy that I was/am, I bombarded him with text messages telling him how I missed him and how I loved him still. I only stopped texting him when he replied, ”Why don’t you go on dates?” Ouch! It was a hard slap on my face. He was getting rid of me like dirt on his toilet bowl. Probably that was when I kinda accepted the fact that he was never gonna love me back. The once “us” was already “me” and “him.” Much like the ad that goes “each sold separately.”

But I greeted him through Friendster just earlier this month for his birthday. Sigh…

more to come…

Too Early for Everything

So I woke up really early today (did I say early? Yes. Early) for no reason at all. So I decided to do the stuff I have always planned to do. You know, the movie thing and all. So I fixed myself, did not ate breakfast at home (not that there was any) and dragged my ass out to Gateway. Got there around 9am and realized that for some people the day hasn’t begun yet. Thank God Starbucks was open so I had breakfast there, smoked, and watched people go about their busy lives. While I was there a sudden thought entered my mind. What if I was invited to give a speech to the graduating class of our high school? Hmmm…

I made up the speech in my mind and I will probably discuss how important education is. Not the kind you get from school though you really need to learn basics. It’s the things you learn outside the four confined walls of the classroom. It’s those little chat you have with your classmates, with those scary teacher you’ve always hated since the first day of school, with that girl you think was weird because she is in dire need of a plucker (for her eyebrowse) and with your friends and family. Unconsciously, they affect you with their values, their beliefs and their ways. You’d not notice this until you besome older or mature but those inlfuences are there.

I will also discuss how self-realization is as much important as the former. You need to know exactly what you want, yourself, your strengths and your weaknesses. Of course, there is always room for improvement but it is helpful that you know yourself. This will help you a lot when you come out to the real world where the law is eat-or-be-eaten. It sounds harsh but not all realities of life is fair. Whoever said it is easy lied. It is definitely otherwise.

Explore in what you are good at and improve on what you’re not so good at. Always compose yourself in front of others. Not that you should let them (others) control you but sometimes it is necessary to kiss some asses to succeed. I know what you are thinking but again life ain’t fair darling. To be on the top, you must strive hard to be on the top. As Machiavelli once said, “The end justifies the means.” I love that philosophy.

There’s a lot more that I wanted to discuss but Gateway was open so I gracefully entered the mall, gave the security guard a well-composed smile and stepped on the escalator. Unfortunately, I was still too early for Da Vinci. The earlist movie starts at noon meaning it will probably end around 2:30pm or worse 3:00pm which also means I would be late for work (3pm). It sucks I know but I gathered myself up and took a cab to Eastwood to get a haircut instead.

It was really hot and this ugly cab was the first in line waiting for its next victim-ME. What the heck! I thought to myself. So I seated myself beside the driver and focused the AC on my face. It was I think on fan mode because the driver apparently just turned it on. So I patiently waited for it to exude coller air but I waited in vain. It was the most the AC could offer. To make matters worse, the traffic was really heavy. It’s like every street around cubao was full of vehicles of all sizes. There were even buses. So the driver took the liberty of going around cubao trying to find a way to get to Eastwood less the heavy traffic. But it seemed like every corner we turn to was full. My sweat was dripping already and the meter’s dripping as well. I ended up paying a hundred bucks to get to eastwood when I usually pay 60-70bucks on any usual day.

I know. My day sucks. But at least I got new haircut which I think fits me well and I made friends with this hairdresser from FIX who told me a lot of stories about his life. It was fun. I mean, I have always hated going to salons and having my hair fixed by a gay guy or worse parlorista gays because you’d never know if they will say bad things about you, about your hair or worse ruin your haircut. But this guy was really nice and I have never felt comfortable going to salons.

So I am at work now. Too early. My shift starts at 3pm and I was already in around noon. Hayyy… for the love the company and my work! Of course I am lying. Hell no! Love for the company? I dun think so.

Postless III

I got nothing interesting to post and I ain't in the mood to write (or think) so here are some pics. I hope they'll entertain you instead.

Who would not want to get wet in the rain with these guys. Yumyum!!!

The type of guys I WANT! More Yumyum!

Anyway my 5-day vacation is over. Will start working again later. I miss the office. I miss the people at work. Hayyy...

It Gets Really Confusing

I have been doing some thinking last night while I hugged my pillow tight right to my limp body. It has been exactly three months since my recent break-up with Robbie. And though it has been very long, I am still having doubts if I’ll be able to commit myself again into a relationship. One thing is for sure, I haven’t moved on a bit from Robbie. I have attached myself too much to him that not thinking about him seems a like a very distant possibility. I know, after all that he did to me (or after what he didn’t do) I should be mad. And yes, at some point I have been angry at him but still I always find it in my heart to understand. I blame his arrogance, I blame his pride but I could never blame HIM. We had our moments, good ones and it’s those moments that I cling myself to. After all this time, I still believe in him. I do.

But I have not come to a final decision. Not yet. Yham is a great guy really. He has all the qualities I like in a guy:
(1) chinito
(2) funny
(3) cute in his own way
(4) relatively tall (only I’m taller)
(5) slim (I hate buffy guys)
(6) and he is very sweet.

Right now I am confused. (I can hear my friends say in the background: Bading ka na nga, confused ka pa! How redundant!) I don’t want to ruin another opportunity with Yham. I had my chance before but I ignored him. And if I don’t jump at what I have now, I am afraid I will never have that chance again.

But Robbie still occupies my heart. And this is where it gets REALLY CONFUSING.

Brew's 11th Boyfriend?

OMG! I am just the happiest gay guy now. I was at MIRC earlier looking for a fuck and then a familiar nick pop out of my screen saying hi. It was Yham—the cutest guy ever. Okay. Maybe that is a little bit exaggerated but he tickles my taste bud just right to make me kilig. I liked him the first time I saw him at his house. Too bad he had a boyfriend then.

But that was then. He is free now and I laid out my intentions of courting him. We talked over the phone for almost an hour throwing kisses at each other (good thing it didn’t led to phone sex coz that would have ruined everything) and talking about his ex and life etcetera.

Hmmm… Is Brew finally having his 11th boyfriend? I dunno. Let’s see. I just hope he doesn’t turn out like the jerks in my life before.

-----
Anyway, I called the office earlier to check my schedule for next week and guess what? My three-day vacation just got extended. I am on day off tomorrow and Tuesday—two more days of staying at home and doing practically nothing. I just hope I can push my ass out the house later to do what I had planned to do this past weekend. I am such a lazy bastard. But hey, I make my own money do I can afford to be somewhat lethargic (without the abnormalities of course).

Btw, Fabuloush.com has a new website. It is an online community for gays. It has moved to Fabuloush.net. No wonder it suddely disappeared like that. Well I just found out about it yesterday. Hahaha. Check it. And add me in your friends list aight!

Long Weekend

Wow! It feels like decades since my last post and I have only been away like what? Two days. It sure feels weird without my daily dose of insanity from you guys – my beloved fellow bloggers.

So here’s what you’ve missed while I was away. And oh, this is going to be very long. Hahaha...

Friday
I slept around six in the morning stuck online chatting with some dirty old folks. One actually offered me a scholarship in Philadelphia. I was gonna bite but errr… I wasn’t really. Hahaha. I didn’t wanna become some old dad’s toy while his wife and two sons were away.

I was having a really nice sleep thinking about what I’d do that Friday, the plans I’ve made and stuff when my mom came shouting my name while she hurried to my room. I never lock my room she had the liberty of shaking my body until I was like “huh? What?” She was gonna ask me to accompany her to bring my dad some papers he left home. And being the ever-loving son that I was (kidding—I was actually left with no choice and I love my mom so much), I said yes and hurried my way to the bathroom (without masturbating). It took me like 30 minutes to get dressed, put a cap on (because obviously I hadn’t had the liberty of fixing my hair with wax), and say good morning sunshine. So we took a cab to PNU (amidst my mom’s blabbering about how much it would cost—I’m paying, I told her) and got there in like one hour. We waited for that to get everything done. I hadn’t eaten breakfast yet so we headed to SM Manila and looked for a nice restaurant. After the long debate where we would eat, I ended up eating the two-piece burger steak from Jolibbee. (Not that I am complaining but it is actually the only thing I eat from that food chain.) After which, I convinced my mom that we should go shopping. Again I was paying. We ended up buying her a new pair of shoes for church and a gold handbag. I so want to invite them to watch Da Vinnci Code but knowing how mom and dad would react when they found out I wanted to watch the movie, I knew better. They think Dan Brown came from hell or something. By now you would have guessed they’re religious. Well they are, hardcore Christians. They even named two of their children after the disciples. I ain’t one of them but my name is not far from being religious as well. But I’m not telling what it is.

After hailing for a cab for hours walking trying to find a spot where there was a possibility of hailing an empty cab, we finally found one. We headed to SM North (mall tour huh?) where we met the rest of the family. We had dinner at Hapag Kaininan (I don’t like their food btw) and went home. I was really tired to go out again so I thought my plans (remember?) would have to wait the next day.

I slouched in what we call the sofa and watched telenovelas with the family (I actually took a nap while they watch) and when they’re done I finally had the chance to continue my long overdue Desperate Housewives marathon. I finished around six in the morning and parents were already packing their thing to g home to the province with my two other siblings. They have been here for almost a month because of dad’s seminar and enrolling my sister college. I didn’t finished the marathon actually but the sun was already up and I hadn’t had sleep yet so I went up to my room and slept while the rest of the family was busy packing things.

Saturday
I woke up around 3 in the afternoon and my parents and my two siblings were already gone. So I fixed myself lunch, smoked and continued with my marathon. I finished it around 7pm and I had the urge to watch more. Luckily, inside the case of Desperate Housewives was another movie called “Like Water for Chocolates.” Rome said it was a good film. I read the book so I had an idea what the movie is about. And for the record, I didn’t like the movie version. Pedro could have been a lot gorgeous and taller. Hahaha… anyways, after that I saw another DVD (apparently my cousin’s) of V for Vendetta. I also watched it. After that I went out to ACA (or what’s left of it) and got myself three more movies. I’m already done with “In Her Shoes” which stars Cameron Diaz. I think I’ll watch the rest tomorrow or maybe later. (The Squid and the Whale & Into the Blue)

----
On another note, It just occurred to me the gravity of my recent post (the one before this). I was warned by my readers that this could be bad. And yes, I am now scared, thank you. Hahaha. So I am thinking of deleteing it. But I too don’t want to throw away that post because I was scared. Now I am confused. Can you help me?

Another BTW, I still haven’t gotten my haircut, didn’t go to malate, didn’t hook up with some guy, didn’t go with Aphol to 168, basically didn’t do anything on my list. Here’s the thing—I am really bad with planning. Pro’ly I’ll watch MI3 and Da Vincci tomorrow. I mean I have to. By Monday I will have to get back to work. So much for my three-day vacation. Didn’t do anything but stay at home which is really weird knowing myself.

Sigh. I think I need help. Or maybe I just need sex. Whatdayathink?

Babbling About Work on a Friday Morning

I have been given this Certificate of Recognition (daw) at work. It is some form of “thank you” from American Express because of some thingy they had agents do last Christmas peak. Our work load became heavier and what do we get? This piece of paper signed by two people (client) who “sincerely appreciated” what we did. Hahaha. I dun think its AMEX concern though. It’d with eTel. AMEX closes down one division in the states and loads all the work her in Manila (and I think the company gets something out of this) and passes the entire task to agents (whose hopes for promotion will get slimmer due to new standards and stats to meet – like me).

I am just mad because I am soon to be trained for yet another two splits. This will make my targets way impossible to reach and thus goodbye to promotion. Believe it or not, I am still at level 1 but I have been with the company for 18 months. What am I STILL doing here anyway?

-----
On a lighter note, I decided to post some pics from our team GA last December 2005. These are my officemates and close friends as well.

Rheya, Aphol, Mois and Joppee.

EP stands for expresspay. It is a little keyfob (or a keychain) that can be linked to an American Express, Visa or MasterCard credit cards. I have one myself. But it’s just for display. It doesn’t work. I don’t event own any credit card much more afford to own an AMEX card. Duh?! It’s attached to my ID tag. Hahaha… Only the best (?) agents are trained for this product (and this is according to our trainee when I asked why I was included). Like I believe it! Duh!?

Anyway, we had dinner first at Super Bowl Eastwood afterwhich we went singing in this videoke bar in Acropolis (forgot the name.) And guess what? We spent almost 10,000 bucks for the night. Beers were overflowing and tequilas were everywhere. I got so drunk the cab driver woke me up when we got to Mindanao Avenue. I don’t even remember how I get inside the cab. Wheew! I will make sure that will not happen again. That is the worse part of my drinking career as of yet.

That same night, another team which I belong to as well had also a GA—videoke at the same resto, only separate rooms. The EP GA was two doors away from the Team Earl GA. I stayed here for the most of my sober times but when my TL from EP handed me a shot of tequila, I decided I was missing a lot. And indeed I was. The other room was a lot “funner (as Reese Witherspoon said it in Legally Blonde).” Everybody was dancing like crazy., a couple kissing each other and Neri singing her out with Aegis. Hahaha…

Those were the happy days…

If it weren’t for the people and friends in this company, I would have left as soon as I got regularized. But now, I am seriously giving it a thought…

Nu ni nu ni nu ni….

------
Plans for later:
(1) Get a haircut
(2) Watch MI3
(3) Watch Da Vincci Code
(4) Might go with Aphol and Apple to 169
(5) Coffee @ Bo’s Coffe Club SM North
(6) Look for someone to have sex with or go to Malate and get drunk

Anyone wanna cum… oh I mean join me?

Postless II

Hmmm… Drinking is slowly becoming a habit of mine. I went out with my officemates and we filled ourselves with bottles after bottles of beer. Before Glen and the rest of my officemates arrived, I already had 1 bottle from the BBQ place. I was surprised when Glen had this one case of beer with him and there were like only four people who drink. But it was there and we had to finish it. I had like three bottles more. But I did not get drunk—tipsy but not drunk. I even had conversation with mom and dad when I got home. They’ll be leaving (btw) for Romblon, along with my two siblings tomorrow. I am definitely going to miss them. But my sister’s gonna be back for college next month.

-------
Anyway, since I posted a picture of two guys checking the batpole for my gay readers (amen!) I think it is only fair that I post something for my straight readers. So here’s Lindsay Lohan (my fave) for you and of course also my fave Simon Rex (I got a video clip of him jacking off in front of the cam). I also included the cutest picture I have on my Outlook. And no, I am a cat-person but the dog in the pic is just so irresistible. Do you agree?

Lindsay Lohan --- she rock!

Simon Rex--- God finally made something PERFECT!

Ain't he just the cutest thing alive?

Let's check the Batpole

Postless.

I am not in the mood for some story-telling today. I don’t know. It seems like I woke up in the wrong side of the bed. I hate this feeling.

Anyway, here’s a picture of Batman and Superman testing the batpole. Wahehehe… It’s been in my Outlook for quite sometime now. Enjoy!

Brew - A couple of years back

I was rummaging through my old website and I saw my old pics from the gallery section. I looked so different then. The picture above was taken just before I graduated college which was like two years ago. I had longer hair then.

I love this picture. Kinda animated... Don't you think so?

Meatshop Another

Sorry guys if you missed me earlier. I was planning to go online after my shift yesterday (technically earlier today—I get confused with time because of my job) but Rome and I decided to go to Meatshop again. He also invited his two gurl housemates. I am really bad with names. I asked them like thrice for their names but now I can’t seem to find anything in my frozen brain. Argh! They’re both from UP btw and one actually has a girlfriend (which means…)

Anyways, I had like 5 or 6 bottles of SanMig light. I developed a liking for the beer since the last time I was in Galera. Usually, I’d go for Strong Ice or Red horse but since the Galera trip, I have always opted for SanMig. I don’t find any diff really. It’s still beer. And beer will get you drunk. Like Machiavelli said, “The end justifies the means…” So as long as I get drunk, it doesn’t matter what I take. Hahaha… The drunkard in me.

It’s weird but I woke up feeling good today. Although there are the usual headaches and bad tummy but besides that the feeling is just fine. I am even early here at work.

There is one stupid thing I did though when I went home earlier from Meatshop. I passed by 7-11 to buy me a Php115 Smart load. I left the store without the notification and until now I haven’t received any (still hoping it’ll come). Now I think I gave them the wrong number. Lucky bastard! He got a free load from the gorgeous ME. Hahaha… (assuming of course the owner of the number is a guy) It’s aight. I got my phone loaded before I went to work. I also called RJ because he had been texting me and I haven’t been able to reply lately. And since I can’t seem to send out text messages (stupid network! I’m going back to SUN---because everything important is under the sun), I called him. I said hi and the conversation went long and my minutes were like running out. He called me baby btw. Hahaha. I think he likes me. Well I like what he posts in his blog. He asked me to make him a template. Another item in my-to-do list. I dunno though if I can. Homer also wanted me to do the same thing. Well with the work and all.

Talk about work. I’ll never be promoted. I have waited like 3 months ironing out my stats but one eval ruined it all. And the sad thing is, it came from my favorite QA. Ha! Now I have to start all over… again from scratch. Life here in eTel is really beginning to suck (big time). JP Morgan, come and get me! No. Come and save me!

By the way, just got a copy of the new Circuit Asia mag. Dun remember the name eh! wahehehe...

-----
*the image above is a rehash from my previous post. click the image to read about it.

Stuff on My Beautiful Body

I have been wanting to post this yesterday but since it was Mother’s Day, I figured I had to postpone it since i promise to write something about my mom. So I am posting it now.

------
While on the bus going home yesterday, I thought of something interesting to post, something I have never posted before about, something I always do but never thought of writing about. And then when the bus was about to take a U-Turn along Mindanao Ave, I thought of an idea. So here it is—stuff I took off from my body when I arrive home. I took some pictures too.



(1) wet PUMA shoes – now this is not original. I bought it from the ever-reliable Greenhills. I have had it for about 2 months now. It is wet because of the rain.

(2) wet socks from Dickes – I brought this one last year from the Dickies shop in Farmer’s Market in Cubao. I was on my way to work then and I figured I take a look at the shop. Bought a pair of socks and a belt.

(3) undies from Human – the Human shop at SM North is like one of my fave shopping places in the urban. Their designs are unique and they only make a few items of the same style so when you get out the mall, you won’t see a lot of people wearing the same thing. Same reason I love Ukay-Ukays. Hahaha… And guess what, so far, I have only seen ONE guy wearing the same undies. And that was in Puerto Galera. And NO, I didn’t sleep with him. The reason I knew was because he was wearing a really thin pajamas of some sort.

*Wanna see me on my undies? Hmm... Just ask.

(4) shades from i-ZONE - (recent acquisition) got this one for the company summer outing. Now I usually wear it to work. But with the weather and all, I doubt I’ll be wearing it anytime soon.

(5) polo shirt from Bench – now this one is not from the adult section. I took this out of the teen section. Hahaha… but it fits really well.

(6) company ID and Petlog – well it’s obvious. I go to work and thus I have an ID. It would cost me Php700 if I lose it. It has some sort of a chip so when I flash it in front of the black box, the door opens. Neat huh? And of course, PETLOG (see previous post) who’s real name is Kogepan.

(7) fave coat from Hallway – now this one cost me more than a thousand bucks. It was being modeled then by a mannequin and the minute I saw it, I feel in love with it. Thought to myself, I had to get one. And I did. Anyways I wouldn’t recommend that you shop at Hallway. Their stuff are just so expensive. Try Greenhills. You’ll see the same (well almost) coat for like half the price. Trust me. I have been told this when I attended a Christmas party last year. This guy approached me and asked me where I got it. He told me he saw the same coat at Greenhills. I so wanted to slap him for telling me that. But I ain't a party-pooper so I shut up.

(8) jeans and belt – both from Human. (belt from recent acquisitions) Need I say more? Got both this year.

(9) bus ticket home – proof that I do take the bus home. Those tickets cost 16 bucks. No AC.

So there. I just told you about the stuff on my body when I go to work. I am no fashion geek but hey, these things belong to the package --- ME.


------------
Anyway, watched Desperate Housewives the whole day. I actually like it. Rome let me borrow his DVD collection...

Unpublished Lettoy for Mama

Mama,

I love you. I know I should be telling you that often and I am sorry for not being able to do so. I just can’t relay how I feel. Words are not my thing when it comes to showing my emotions towards you, and the rest of the family. For years I seldom see you, talk to you, tell you my problems, and kiss you.

The truth is, I miss that. And I think YOU are the GREATEST MOM in the whole wide world. And I know a little secret. I was born 6 months after your marriage which means…;þ But that is totally fine. I should be happy and blessed you didn’t get me aborted. Not that it is/was your thing but under the circumstances you could have done so. People had been harsh to you and your marriage and I hate them. I hate them for making you feel miserable and sad. And I promise, someday, we will win over those miseries. I promise.

Mama, I know sometimes you feel that I am so far away… so… so detached. I know that I am not the son you would have hoped for. I know I disappoint you a lot. And I am really sorry for being that way.

But whatever I have become or will become, I will still be your baby Ian who you and Papa call “love.” I am still that baby who you brought with you to school while teaching. I will still be that little boy who you accompanied with to his first day in class, to his first dental check-up, to his first time on the stage to receive awards in school, to his circumcision.... etcetera.

I love you and words can never, ever be enough to say how grateful and happy I am that you are my Mama. I miss you. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to YOU Mama! Mwah!

Ian


----
Other Mother's Day posts:
(1) Of Motherhood, Children and Manicures by Luxe, Fab and Phat

(2) There'll never be a woman like you in my life by Bryan of Miseducated Virgin

(3) Mom by Rob of Erase and Rewind

Blogging in the Rain

Lagi na lang umuulan,
Parang walang katapusan,
Tulad ng paghihirap ko
ngayon,
Parang walang hanggan…




Okay. The song mixes well with the weather right now but necessarily with my emo state. I feel good today actually. Though I almost hated the rain earlier when I couldn’t get out of the house because I didn’t have any umbrella. But now? I LOVE IT!

@ work right now. Looking through the glass panel, the myst covers the mountaintop and the city below. This is one lazy afternoon. I just hope calls won’t ruin my day. You can barely see the horizon with all the fog blocking the view. Picturesque like this reminds me of a lot of stuff. Brings me down to memory lane—some bitter, some sweet, some fun and some “funner.” With the added music in the background from my supervisor’s phone, the moment is almost perfect. So far this IS the day.

-------
Blog Update

My blog’s been gaining popularity in the community. And I love the attention. Constant bloghopping helps a lot, posting messages, putting comments, etcetera. Right now I have had 1957 visitors since March 01 this year, the day the blog was finally uploaded online. It started in my PC @ home and now it’s for the WWW to see. I had a previous blog and website before. But the website was really hard to maintain so I opted to just stick with blogging.

Thank’s everyone. I love you all!

Bus Route to Death

Just got home. I waited for like an hour (or more) for Aphol to get on the bus in Cubao going home —the gentleman that I am. Ehemm….

I really hate taking the bus. Here’s a trivia about me: I always remember to pray whenever I am on a bus. It never falters. I swear. Why? I am afraid the bus might flip off the road and I would die. Stupid huh? But it is true. It’s probably the thought of dying that scares me a lot. DEATH scares me a lot. And when you are on a bus, it’s like letting the driver take control over your life. And you know how Filipino bus drivers are (or Filipino drivers in general) especially during the wee hours when the road is like a ghost town. They’re like the owner of the road. Or they feel that way.

Other reasons why I hate taking the bus.
(1) They overtake almost every vehicle ahead of them and when they do, and thus abruptly turns from left to right (or vice versa), that really get my heart pumping.

(2) You’ll never know when the guy you’re seated with is a criminal or not. Next thing you’ll know, your phone’s missing or worse, you have a knife pointing at your neck.

(3) During the early morning (which is the time I usually go home from work), a lot of drunkards ride the bus and then the place will smell of alcohol and all the shit they ate before that. Or worse, they will puke right in front of you. Gross.

(4) The route home had no bus with AC meaning I have to ride an ordinary bus going home everyday. Thank God for MRT.

(5) There are a lot of U-Turns along the bus route home and I am scared the bus will flip over everytime it takes a U-Turn.

(6) Finally, some buses are jam-packed so you have to stand for the duration of the trip. And then some ugly, smelly fat guy will rub his crotch against your back. ewww… If he were Marc Nelson I’d probably face him and rub my crotch against his too. But he’s not. That never happens…

But then again, I have no choice. If I were to ride the cab everyday, I’d spent ¾ of my salary in a month. Argh! And I won’t get to buy that new phone I’ve been wanting to have.

Poor me.

-------
Anyways, what does FTI mean? Any clue? Is it Fort Travel Inc? I saw a sign from a bus when Aphol and I were waiting. She said it could be Far Travel Inc. Like duh?

Help A Guy Get A FUCK

It’s Friday again. Everyone’s excited for the weekend—nightout this Saturday night and family stuff on Sunday (huh? as if I do this!) and ofcourse payday!!! (im hoping it'll be credited later tonight. hahaha...) The rain definitely gave me a beautiful sleep although it was shortlived. I slept around 6am earlier because I was chatting with Homer – who I now call my baby until morning. Woke up around noon , ate lunch and went straight to work. Hahaha… Homer's straight btw. I’m just having fun.

-------

I was reading Carl’s blog and his recent post about a virgin guy who needs help to hook with some girl intrigued me. He was asking for 5 million hits to his website to achieve this goal. I dunno much about the process but it was kinda weird that a guy would beg the world wide web for a fuck. But hey, as Carl put it, “do a good deed today.” Hit his link. I told Carl I won’t but my curiousity got the better of me. Read his story. Hahaha…

Hit him @ http://www.avirginsplea.com/.

It Has Come... Finally...

Let it rain!

Finally, it has come. The long-awaited rain has finally hit the dry and thirsty earth… and my skin. I was soaking wet when I arrived home earlier. As soon as I get off the bus, it was already raining hard. I didn’t hurry. I let it wet the jacket that I was wearing until I could feel the wetness in my groin. The feeling was wonderful. I felt like I little child again. I was brought back to the time when everything was less complicated and the rain was enough to make me happy. I miss that.

I got myself a Coke in can from Julie’s bakeshop and continued walking home. I even managed to take a few puffs from my cigarette until the rain took it away. It was alright. I didn’t get mad.

When I entered the subdivision, the security guard said, “Sir, basing basa kayo.” (Sir you’re all wet.) I replied saying, “Taena! Ang lakas ng ulan!” (Fuck, it’s raining so hard). I didn’t mean it of course. I just didn’t want them to think that I was so stupid to be happy about being wet.

*Sleep is gonna be nice. Can’t wait to hit the bed. Nytnyt!

@ Work Wearing a Blue Polo and a Pair of Gray PantsMeatshop Rocks!

My head is fuckin' spinning. Awwwww…

Went to Meatshop in Katipunan (just across Xavierville) with Rome last night (or technically AM since it was around 1 in the morning) The place was really cool. The crowd mostly was straight but nonetheless it was a “happy” crowd. Rome had Red Horse and I, hoping not to get too drunk opted for SanMig Light. We talked about how he misses me, his recent sexcapades, about work, about life, lovelife, etc. And the most shocking story of the night was his recent “endeavor” (as he likes to call it) with an officemate. Hmmm… Wtf?! He’s gay?! Well, actually I kinda knew it way way back but Rome’s story was the long-awaited confirmation. Haha… I know a girl who will cry if she knows about this. Better keep my mouth shut. If I can…

There were a couple of cute guys in the place. The first guy was waering a pink (gay?) long sleeves and looked like he just came from a prom. He was seated just beside me but Rome had his eyes on him. Michael. His name was Michael. Rome got this waitress (he calls her Ate Rhona) to ask for his name. We are not sure though it’s real. Rome called him paminta. I dunno. I was too preoccupied with my beer and our conversation to even take a look at him. (Okay I did look at him but he being gay or whatever didn't affect me) One thing I know though, he and the girl beside him were very sweet with each other. Hmmm… Paminta nga.

The other cute guy was Gabe. He was seating with three other guys (again, questionable) just across our table. He was wearing a polo shirt which made him so macho. (I like this one better than Michael) Hahaha… The shop was closing and we were the only people left drinking there. So Rome decided to join them. And we did, with the help of Rhona. We ordered another round of Red Horse for the six of us. Apparently they were there celebrating a birthday. Pao’s birthday. Pao is this guy wearing a green shirt who undoubtedly is gay (paminta). He works for Convergys (if my memory serves me right). I think they were all from Ateneo.

The fun was cut short when the owner of the shop (who Rome doesn’t like) told us they were closing and he got all our beers. We felt we were being pushed out of the place. But it was okay. We needed to leave anyway. I got work and as you can see I am here now drunk and wasted wearing a blue polo and a pair of gray pants.

Hayyy… I think I need Biogesic. Gotta get something from the clinic.

I hate this.

-----
Btw, the BBQ @ Meatshop is really great. For 12 bucks it’s so sulit na. I recommend the place if you have nowhere to hangout to. I’ll probably be going back there this week. Interested? You know what to do.

Undoubtedly Gay

What do I want with my life?
Honestly I do not know. As much as I like to have a concrete answer, I do not. All I know is I want everything to be better. I want my to be satisfied, to feel how it is to be truly fulfilled. I want everything to be less complex, to be less difficult.

I want guys drooling over me. I want cute guys calling me everytime. I want them to kneel and beg for my attention. But then again, I know that is not possible. That will never be possible. I kinda accepted that as a fact of what I call “my life.”

If I were straight, what would I be doing now?
Hmm.. Tough question. Being gay has been my way of life for too long that I don’t have an idea what it is to be straight. I don’t want to be straight. I don’t want to be limited. I don’t want to be boxed into something. I want to be flexible. I want to be able to do everything I want or wish without qualms or hesitations.

Power. I want power. And with power comes great responsibility. Chos! (I love spiderman.)

Am I happy?
Generally, yes. I am happy. Or I try to be happy. Most of the time my friends keep me occupied to think of sadness. But when they are away, I go into this maelstrom of sad thoughts and biiterness. Of Robbie and the rest of my shorlived affairs I called relationships. Though most of them started with sex, they all meant something to me. I loved ‘em all. And some of them I still love.

Now back to reality. Back to work. Aray!

Sleepy Pretensions

Tears are falling down my eyes. I am not sad and bitter (as of the moment). I am actually sleepy. Slept around 8am earlier and woke up around noon for my 3pm shift. That is like 4 hours worth of sleep! And now I feel grumpy. Good thing the people here at work somehow elevates this grumpiness into a smile. And that is something...

It’s Mark’s bday now. And he’s going to treat us later. I think he has spaghetti for all of us. Anyway, he is this “gay” guy who don’t admit to it. He claims he is bisexual. Like duh?! No freaking way! If he were bisexual I would be STRAIGHT!

His a virgin who has the hobby of peeping through tiny holes and watching his housemates shower or jack off (or so he claims). I wonder if he ever jack off. Ewww… I don’t like to think about it anymore.

Moving on from virgins and pretensions, Rome is inviting me out this Saturday. Pro’ly Malate… again. We both has work until midnight so we’re going straight to Malate after.

Conversation went…

Me: oi, ano plan natin sa saturday?
3pm-12am lang ako.
wahehehe...

R: ako din... suweldo pa nun un!!! hehe...
hanap tayo booking...

Me: hanapan mo ako ng booking. wahehehe...
la me gana magbooking eh...
peo sge samahan kita.
wahehehe...

R: ganun?

Me: oo. alam mo naman ako. for serious stuff lang.
CHOS!
hindi naman ako tulad mo na kung sino-sino lang pinapatos even si...

nu ni nu ni nu ni nu ni...

R: hehehe!!! manahimik ka!!!

basta... hanap tayo ok.. as in TAYO!!!

Me: hahaha,,, tayong dalawa lang?
eh si Patrick?

R: ewan ko dun... bahala nalang sya sa buhay nya... hehe... gusto mo isama? baka ako nalang mag-isa nun.... hehe

------------

And NO. I don’t plan to look for a fuck this Saturday. I am going there to get drunk, enjoy and have fun!

So anyone here got no plans this Saturday? Leave me a message. Maybe we can meet or something… (something strictly is non-sexual).

Indulge Youselves In ME

It's 3:00 AM Tuesday. I don't feel like sleeping yet. About an hour ago, me and my siblings watched Zathura. What a waste of hard-earned money.

Anyways, there are two movies left (The Amytyville Horror and Into the Blue). I rented 'em overnight. I guess I am never gonna see the other two movies. Too bad.

After Zathura, I had the urge to shoot some pics. And here they are. Hahaha...

Indulge yourselves in ME...


I am outside the house posing for the camera while everyone is asleep. Hahaha....

One more...


I need PROTECTION. I got the sticker back in college. People loved to give condoms back then. This sticker was part of the package. I got lots of condoms then. They're stil in my room btw. If you need one, just give me a holla!

Got work later. Shift changed this week--3pm to midnight. I love this shift!

Nuninuninuni....

I Think I Need a BF

Hahaha. The title of this blog does not have anything to do with the content. I love to mislead...

Went to the mall today with my youngest bro and my sister. I promised them a treat and earlier was a good time since today's my day off from work.

Anyways, SM North Edsa (as always) was full of crowd from all walks of life. Some were actually buying things and some were just fitting clothes and touching stuff. It was really hard to tell which amongst the crowd were there to shop from the ones who were there just for the AC, considering it's really hot outside.

Wearing my new flipflops from Human, we headed to National Bookstore first where I bought around 300 bucks worth of notebooks for my bro. I also included a few pens. Then we went to Human (this is beginning to be my shopping mecca) to supposedly buy him a new bag for school. So the three of us were there and I told my bro to choose which bag he liked. But instead of choosing from the bag section, he went straight to where the caps were. We made a deal, it's either a bag or a baseball cap. He chose the latter. The cap was nice though if asked I would go for the bag -- more important as of press time since scgool is near. I also got myself this really cool belt (military-type) that has got a pocket on the side. I really love it i wore it when we were @ Ice Monster. Wahehehe. Talk about excitement!

After shopping, we went outside the mall to the Garden. I introduced them to the overrated Ice Monster (people actually think it tastes good when it's just ice and hersheys on top). I got myself a Caramelo frapp from Bo's.

We waited for Papa (biologically speaking) to meet us there since he also went to SM to have some pictures printed from his camera. When he finally showed up, me and my siblings decided to go home since Papa was still waiting for the pictures. We passed by Dots and More (I hate their donuts. GoNuts is still better) and bought ourselves half a dozen. Pasalubong for the people left in the house.

HOME
Reactions of the people from what we bought...
Mama-- Toto should have bought a bag instead.
Reggie-- The Bag would have been better. More donuts please.
Me-- Yeah I agree. The BAG!

Movie and Sex

It is 4am, Monday. I just came home from an escapade. I was chatting earlier and I met this guy from Teacher’s Village.

Enough about him. The sex was fine. He was forcing me to let him fuck. No fucking way Jose!

Anyway, before that he showed me a movie titled FORMULA 17 (Director: Chen Yin-Jung). It’s a gay themed movie about a guy who believed in love in all its essence. To begin with, he is a virgin and he won’t have sex with just any guy who comes around. He must love the guy first.


The Virgin.

The Playboy

The Playboy and his bestfriend who I think is also cute. :þ


And then he met this guy in a bar in Taipei named Bai Tieh Nan (Playboy No. 1). This heartless guy has issues with relationships. He breaks every guy’s heart. His motto: Never in bed with the same guy twice. Much like mine before.

I’ll spoil it for you. They ended up together. What do you expect?

If you want to borrow the DVD, go right on. Leave me a message and I might just let you burn it. It’s DVD so you must have a DVD burner first.

Quotable lines:
“You see, even love can pass away.”
“But we can run after it.”
“Huh? Run?”
“And chase it back.”
“My feet are tired.”
“I’ll carry you.”

------------
Details:
Director:
Yin-jung Chen
Cast: Tony Yang, Duncan Lai, Chin King, Dada Di, Jimmy Yang
Release Date: August 19, 2005
Running Time: 1 hr 33 mins
Official Site: Click here....
Country: Taiwan

Read Reviews

On Bitterness and Moving On

Nu ni nu ni nu ni...
(Glen is singing it in the background.)

Woke up fine today. Nothing spectacular has happened yet. Hope that elevator incident from yesterday won’t happen again. I really got scared.

Anyways, I was chatting at IRC last night and guess who I stumbled on? Yeah, Robbie. His ad said something like; 19 cute chinito slim here should have a place. There was also a pic link included in the ad. Mine said; http://www.picturetrail.com/iambrew >>> I am free. But I doubt it if he checked my pic link.

The conversation was quick. After the pleasantries, he said goodbye. Pro’ly picked up a guy already. I coldly said my goodbyes back.

I felt a tinge of pain run through my body seeing him online and pro’ly looking for a fuck. But hey, I was there as well and sorta looking for the same thing. I can’t blame him or anybody. I blame myself for feeling that way, for feeling so bitter about the break up. I remember what Jack said the other day, I should move on. I should let go. I should find someone else. I told her I choose not to. And indeed that is the truth. The thought of letting go just hurts so much. My feeling towards him never faltered a bit.

I just hope someday… No. I hope. Period.

Getting Stuck On An Elevator

The scariest and the funniest thing happened to me today. I arrived at work two hours before my shift (6pm) and Nard’z –the rudest guy I know (yet he can get away with it with just a laugh and everybody feels better) asked me if I wanted to smoke downstairs. I also invited Jorell (another officemate) to come down with us. Now our office is on the 22nd floor.

So we took the elevator and to my shock and surprise, the elevator suddenly stopped, the lights went off and I started to panic my ass off. Good thing we were the only people on the elevator—or else I could have humiliated myself a lot. After like 10 seconds, the lights went on and the elevator started working. And then we laughed at how stupid and funny my reaction was during the power outage.

That was my first time to be stuck in an elevator. And God, it is not one of those moments I’d want to experience again. Makes me realize that pro’ly I am some kinda claustrophobic. And being trapped in that box with cables on top of it really got me scared to death.

But hey, it was a funny experience. Something that I can share to my friends and then make fun of myself again. Hahaha…

The Company Outing in Batangas

Miss me? I am sure you do.

The company outing (forgot the name of the resort but it's in Batangas) was not as I expected especially the beach. It looked so brownish and the crowd ain't that friendly either. It took us a long time to convince ourselves that it would be okay to submerge even our feet into the water. And we did. Well, not most of us though. Others preferred to stay in the shade while taking pictures. I also had a share of the photoshoot craze. Below is the proof. I have edited them already.

Enjoy people.

Before I went to work last Saturday I bought myself stuff for the outing --including two pairs of board shorts, two tees, and a flipflop from Human. I'll post their pictures as soon. I also treated myself with Bo's Coffee Club's Numi.

KG, previously an XMEN agent is now at the frontdesk. I was trying myself out but she won't let me. Argh! These pictures were taken on Saturday except for the last two which were taken after my shift at around 3am. I joined Glen and Edwin (with Kem) to Katipunan at some cafe to play Dota --dunno what this is, some computer game. Got really bored so Kem and I headed back to the office. He slept in the lounge while I talk with some of my friends and then had breakfast @ Hepalane (will post picture soon).

On the way to Batangas. Haven't had enough sleep yet. Peo todo pa rin ang smile. Did you notice?

Our first stop. I am not sure where this was. But it had Petron. Wahehehe...

The beach. Don't be fooled. It only looks good in photos. You should see the people. Ewww.

We are still deciding if we wanted to swim or not. Hmmm... And we're eating of course. BBQ please!

More picture taking. Just enjoying each other's company.

Do you see me in this picture? Of course not! I was behind the camera. Hahaha... Look at the water... It's brown.

I am already wet during this shoot. Just came out of the water. It was quite okay but still...

Going home and so tired. Haven't had any sleep yet. Argh!

All ME. On the way home.

I edited Rain's pictures and here they are... (drum rolls please....)

I just changed the background and put text on the pictures. But the rest is PURE RAIN.

One more... Drums still rolling...

The end.

But hey SUMMER is not yet over.